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UPDATE: My boyfriend [M24] and I [F24] have too much sex and I can?t handle it anymore. How do I exp (by Sparky)
UPDATE: My boyfriend [M24] and I [F24] have too much sex and I can?t handle it anymore. How do I explain it to him that it exhausts me and how do I negotiate new intimacy with him?
Original post: My boyfriend [M24] and I [F24] have too much sex and I can?t handle it anymore. How do I explain it to him that it exhausts me and how do I negotiate new intimacy with him? : r/relationships
I spend a lot of time reading through everyone's replies and looking inwards about how I feel. I gathered my thoughts and spend a few days making a list of what I wanted to say when we have the big conversation. On a weekend when we had planned to spend the day together I sat him down and told him the following points:
I love him to the moon and back and want to show him that I love him, make him feel desired, loved and appreciated
BUT
Having so much sex with such frequency is physically exhausting to me which causes me to avoid sex and even sex acts I enjoy because I don?t have enough energy and motivation to do it. This also causes me to orgasm not as often anymore. I also need time to physically recover before it may even start to become painful. I feel like sex has become the single defining aspect of our relationship and many other parts like doing activities together, romantic dates, just talking and cuddling have taken a backseat. I also feel exhausted emotionally and underappreciated from giving as much as I can (which I gladly do for the people I love) while little comes back from the other side of the relationship.
I then proceeded to explain the things I like during sex and what makes me go wild, hoping to show him that I still want to have sex with him. I also made a few more compliments just to keep the vibe positive and because I meant it.
He reacted pretty well all things considered. He listened and let me finish, but asked for a little time to think about it. Obviously I gladly agreed. We spend the rest of the day together without him initiating once. At the end of the day he said that he wants me to enjoy sex just as much as he does and that he loves me.
I was really hopeful for the next week and a half. We spend our time together like usual and he asked for sex about one half as often as before our talk. We even had days without sex at all. He also started to ask "Do you want to have sex with me?" instead of physically initiating like he did before, like touching me somewhere, hugging me from behind and similar things. He also stopped asking for pictures of me and when he did it were just selfies. I was so happy that I even took the initiative once and he seemingly loved it when I asked for sex.
Then one day he sat me down with a stern look and said that he hated what this relationship has turned into. To him it feels like we are now just roommates or platonic friends instead of lovers. He told me that the one time I initiated after he was overjoyed to finally "**** me again" his heart was broken because I suddenly wasn?t as submissive as usually (I asked to be eaten out and was on top with some more dominant dirty talk) and that all of that is not what he signed up for. He doesn?t want to walk on eggshells waiting for when I am finally in the mood, but have what he deserves in the relationship.
Basically he gave me an ultimatum: either we return to how it was before the talk starting right now or he leaves me. Guess who doesn?t have a boyfriend anymore?
I spend the last few days bawling my eyes out and eating lots of ice cream and watching some ****ty shows. What he said hurt me a lot and I do not love him anymore, but still the feeling of loss and sadness is all too real. He was my first relationship and for the past two years he was my entire world. No I have to gather up the broken shards he left behind.
TL;DR: I took your advice and talked with him about my feelings. He pretended to be ok with it for a while and then left me after demanding more sex again.
Source.
Original post: My boyfriend [M24] and I [F24] have too much sex and I can?t handle it anymore. How do I explain it to him that it exhausts me and how do I negotiate new intimacy with him? : r/relationships
I spend a lot of time reading through everyone's replies and looking inwards about how I feel. I gathered my thoughts and spend a few days making a list of what I wanted to say when we have the big conversation. On a weekend when we had planned to spend the day together I sat him down and told him the following points:
I love him to the moon and back and want to show him that I love him, make him feel desired, loved and appreciated
BUT
Having so much sex with such frequency is physically exhausting to me which causes me to avoid sex and even sex acts I enjoy because I don?t have enough energy and motivation to do it. This also causes me to orgasm not as often anymore. I also need time to physically recover before it may even start to become painful. I feel like sex has become the single defining aspect of our relationship and many other parts like doing activities together, romantic dates, just talking and cuddling have taken a backseat. I also feel exhausted emotionally and underappreciated from giving as much as I can (which I gladly do for the people I love) while little comes back from the other side of the relationship.
I then proceeded to explain the things I like during sex and what makes me go wild, hoping to show him that I still want to have sex with him. I also made a few more compliments just to keep the vibe positive and because I meant it.
He reacted pretty well all things considered. He listened and let me finish, but asked for a little time to think about it. Obviously I gladly agreed. We spend the rest of the day together without him initiating once. At the end of the day he said that he wants me to enjoy sex just as much as he does and that he loves me.
I was really hopeful for the next week and a half. We spend our time together like usual and he asked for sex about one half as often as before our talk. We even had days without sex at all. He also started to ask "Do you want to have sex with me?" instead of physically initiating like he did before, like touching me somewhere, hugging me from behind and similar things. He also stopped asking for pictures of me and when he did it were just selfies. I was so happy that I even took the initiative once and he seemingly loved it when I asked for sex.
Then one day he sat me down with a stern look and said that he hated what this relationship has turned into. To him it feels like we are now just roommates or platonic friends instead of lovers. He told me that the one time I initiated after he was overjoyed to finally "**** me again" his heart was broken because I suddenly wasn?t as submissive as usually (I asked to be eaten out and was on top with some more dominant dirty talk) and that all of that is not what he signed up for. He doesn?t want to walk on eggshells waiting for when I am finally in the mood, but have what he deserves in the relationship.
Basically he gave me an ultimatum: either we return to how it was before the talk starting right now or he leaves me. Guess who doesn?t have a boyfriend anymore?
I spend the last few days bawling my eyes out and eating lots of ice cream and watching some ****ty shows. What he said hurt me a lot and I do not love him anymore, but still the feeling of loss and sadness is all too real. He was my first relationship and for the past two years he was my entire world. No I have to gather up the broken shards he left behind.
TL;DR: I took your advice and talked with him about my feelings. He pretended to be ok with it for a while and then left me after demanding more sex again.
Source.
Too late, he already expects sex the way it has been...
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