I(28F) and my (29M) husband of 8 years are taking a beating from life. He needs me but I don't want to do anything but lay in bed since the death of a loved one.

Okay a little background. We have a pretty complex life and list of daily duties. One top of our regular life stuff we have livestock to care for during a northern winter. So there are alot of things that CANNOT get left undone. Normally I would say my husband and I are pretty damn stress resistant. We have lived through some pretty serious **** from losing important people in tragic ways to near death experiences. We have always been hyper communicative and close because of these experiences and we tend to live like every year could be our last. Normally when bad things happen they seem to hit one of us way harder then the other. Even if we are both devastated by something it seems like one of us copes by helping the other.
That is not how it is this time. My husband is battling a really terrible chronic illness that leaves him in a ton of pain. Things in our life are about to get way harder and most of our life is going to fall on me until he recovers from some procedures but since the death of this person it feels like I've been gut shot. Even when I know things are important and time sensitive, I could just lay in bed looking at the wall while time slides by for hours. I don't know what the **** is wrong with me. My husband gets understandably frustrated, he needs me, there are things he literally can't do. He gets scared that this will be how I am when he can't do anything at all. When he pushes me I get resentful and snap at him in a way that is totally out of charecter. He has been pretty shut down emotionally because of the pain. It feels like our interactions have whittled down to what needs to be done. We both verbalized that we need more from one another and the conversation just ended with us both crying together on the couch, committing to trying to do better but not being sure that either of us had anything left to give. How do we pull out of this nose dive without losing our lives?
TL;DR "I don't want to do anything after the death of a loved one. My husband's illness and our life circumstances have doubled my responsibilities."
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