Some advice to first-time parents I wish I?d had

?Mom, there?s a ghost behind the closet mirror who watches me sleep.?
****ing kids. Do they not realize that adults can also get creeped out? ?There?s nothing to be afraid of, Uriah,? I assured my five-year-old son. He couldn?t tell that my skin was crawling, because one of the first things that new parents learn is how to deceive their children.
If you?re judging me for that last part, it?s because you don?t have children.
?Do you want me to check the closet??
I prayed that he didn?t want me to check the closet.
?No, you don?t need to check the closet.?
I breathed a sigh of relief and kissed his forehead. ?Okay. You let me know if you change your mind, all right, little man??
He was asleep by the time I left the room.
I didn?t look at the closet as I left. A mirror covers the entire door, which reflects a window looking out into the forest. It?s creepy as ****, and I?m glad the thing isn?t in my room.
*
?Jack?s growling at the space underneath my bed. I think it?s haunted,? Uriah whispered into my ear.
Damn it. I?d been dreaming of?
****, I couldn?t remember. Something about the fact that Jason Momoa and I were both freshly single. ?****, I?m late for work. I?m sorry, Pop-Tarts for breakfast because they?re fast.?
?You said the ?****? word, Mommy.?
I bolted out of bed and reached for the stick of deodorant that I use on days when I sleep too late to take a shower. ?Uriah, we had a talk about not pointing those things out. Remember??
He stared at the floor. ?I know. It?s impolite.? Then he looked back up, lips sucked in just like they always were when he didn?t like the reaction he knew I?d give. ?Can you check for ghosts under the bed??
?Sure,? I answered, absent-mindedly getting dressed. ?After I get home from work, okay??
He looked sad, and my heart melted. ?Okay. But that?s a long time for the ghost to be watching me.?
I bent down and kissed his curly mop of black hair. ?Well, you show the ghost just how hard you?re going to work in Ms. Brann?s class today, alright, little man??
He nodded and I rushed into the hall, hopping on alternate feet as I put on my flats one at a time.
Passing Uriah?s room, I noticed Jack, our Dachshund-Collie mix, crouched and growling at the space under the bed. That wasn?t like him at all.
*
?You got the place dirt cheap, right?? Melissa asked as she passed the cigarette. ?And the first structure was destroyed by fire back in 1913??
I took a drag and relaxed a little. Not a lot, just a little. The second cigarette never soothes me as much as the first. ?Had to. Uriah?s dad went from stand-up guy to stereotypical ******* within a week.?
Melissa shook her head as I gave the cigarette back to her. ?Honey, he was like that the whole time. It just took you that long to notice.?
I bristled at that, and opened my mouth to explain all the reasons that she was wrong.
I closed my mouth when I couldn?t find any.
?The point is that Virginia law says that hauntings must be disclosed at the time of sale if it affects the emotional distress of a property.?
A chill settled into my spine. It wasn?t a superficial ?horror story? shiver, either. This felt like cold hummus dripping down my vertebrae while cadaver tongues licked up the gooey lumps that squeezed between my bones.
?We should be getting back,? I answered, pinching out the smoldering butt. ?We?re not supposed to take cigarette breaks anymore, and I don?t like hiding in corners while we wait for something bad to happen.?
*
?Please don?t make me go into the attic,? Uriah moaned.
I put the box on the ground by the drop-down ladder in the hall and sighed. ?I should have put these Christmas decorations away weeks ago. I finally have fifteen free minutes to make it happen. Can you please just work with me as I try to catch up with everyday life?? I asked, pulling my hair.
Uriah tried to stop the tears. I?ll give him that. But it was a battle that he was going to lose. I knew him too well.
?The attic is the ghost?s favorite place,? he whispered. ?He says that he likes looking between the cracks in the ceiling so that he can learn about our lives.?
?ENOUGH.? The tone coming from my mouth surprised even me. ?All I want is one ****ing moment to feel normal, but life has a way of making me feel like everything I do is an attempt to catch up from behind.? I let out a long, low breath.
?I?m sorry, Mommy-?
?It?s fine,? I cut him off. ?I?ll just take care of this myself.?
?Mommy-?
?It?s. Fine.?
He left.
I looked up at the gaping maw of the attic and groaned.
Uriah was right, it was creepy as ****.
*
You?d be amazed at how quickly we can abandon societal norms. I realized this as I weaved through surface street traffic at fifty miles an hour without giving a **** whether that cop saw me running a red light.
I got from work to home in about four minutes, distantly amazed at the fact that I hadn?t killed myself in an accident, partially wishing I had. I jumped from the car without turning it off and collapsed in the arms of a policeman in my front yard.
?My son!? I screamed. ?Where?s my son?!?
The sobs didn?t stop as two more officers walked out of my front door, guiding the handcuffed man who had been living in my attic, closets, and crawl spaces for weeks as he plotted to take my child.
BD
Watch
Expand


Source.