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My boyfriend wants me to move in but I find his house disgusting (by Sparky)
My boyfriend wants me to move in but I find his house disgusting
TL;DR - My otherwise perfect boyfriend has no standards of cleanliness for his house and it is making me find excuses to put off moving in.
Hi everyone, first of all I know that the title is really harsh but please allow me to explain.
My boyfriend (23m) and I (25f) have been seeing each other for just over a year now. I absolutely adore this guy, he is my best friend and I admire him as a person as much as I am completely in love with him. Yes he is younger, but he is completely gorgeous, funny, intelligent, kind, principled, interesting and unique and I want nothing more than for him to be in my life long term and to be the best girlfriend I can possibly be to him.
There is one issue though. He part bought his own house (part ownership new buid scheme in the UK) in October and I have been spending a 2-3 nights a week here. I repay him by buying most household / cleaning things, buying and cooking just under half of our meals, cleaning and tidying whenever I am round, doing general favours and getting him small gifts most weeks.
For the most part, I have a really good time when I am round aside from the stress that our different standards of hygiene and tidyness causes me - especially as he is really keen for me to move in and start helping him to pay off the mortgage. I am currently living back with my parents whilst undertaking teacher training. I would be so enthusiastic about this idea were it not for the state of his house.
It is a nice house in a great area, but he just does not seem to feel any need to clean it. When you walk in the floor is immediately covered in a couple of boxes of random things, letters that have been opened and chucked on the floor, toolboxes from his work as an electrician and rubbish meant for the recycling. Every room has random mess on the floor along with nails, screws, bits of wire etc. The kitchen counters are always filthy, covered in bits of food unless I have cleaned them that day and he hasn?t got round to cooking again yet. He washes up as and when he needs the utensils but leaves the sink a disgusting food and grease covered mess.
Most rooms are a genuine health and safety hazard with the amount of random things on the floor and there are some furniture items I haven?t got round to yet that are covered in thick layers of dust and dirt, as are any skirting boards I haven?t got to. He doesn?t even clean his toilets with the cleaner and toilet brushes that I bought for him as a hint and I consequently end up literally cleaning his **** up for him every time I am round.
I am ridiculously busy with my teacher training and all associated assignments and admin at the moment but it feels like my hobby outside of work is spending hours and hours cleaning for him just for it to go right back to how it was within a couple of hours.
I spent over 20 hours during my last school half term holiday cleaning and tidying 3 rooms and a single table heaped with stuff. Whenever he sees my cleaning he does say thank you a lot but makes sure to emphasise that I don?t have to do this and he?d never expect me to. The truth is, whilst I started doing it to help him as he also works a lot, it is now more for my own comfort as I?ve realised that he just does not care and makes no effort whatsoever to maintain my work. For example, he came home to a cleaned living room the other week and immediately started leaving sweet wrappers all over every surface.
I feel like I have no right to say anything to him as it is not my house and I don?t live here - I am a guest. However, early in our relationship he made a comment about how guys need a girl in their lives otherwise they?d live in squalor. He also wants me to move in as soon as possible and can?t understand why I don?t spend more time staying at his house now. Unfortunately I am too focused on being a good teacher to have the time to follow him around with a bin and a sweeping brush. I?d also quite like to have some hobbies of my own. He thinks that I am ?OCD? but I promise that my bar is not high at all - I?d just quite like to live in a house that wouldn?t make me feel embarrassed to have people over in.
So Dating.mobi - what on earth do I do in this situation without being naggy or controlling, or ending the relationship? If I moved in, would I end up being miserable and resentful? Thank you!
Source.
TL;DR - My otherwise perfect boyfriend has no standards of cleanliness for his house and it is making me find excuses to put off moving in.
Hi everyone, first of all I know that the title is really harsh but please allow me to explain.
My boyfriend (23m) and I (25f) have been seeing each other for just over a year now. I absolutely adore this guy, he is my best friend and I admire him as a person as much as I am completely in love with him. Yes he is younger, but he is completely gorgeous, funny, intelligent, kind, principled, interesting and unique and I want nothing more than for him to be in my life long term and to be the best girlfriend I can possibly be to him.
There is one issue though. He part bought his own house (part ownership new buid scheme in the UK) in October and I have been spending a 2-3 nights a week here. I repay him by buying most household / cleaning things, buying and cooking just under half of our meals, cleaning and tidying whenever I am round, doing general favours and getting him small gifts most weeks.
For the most part, I have a really good time when I am round aside from the stress that our different standards of hygiene and tidyness causes me - especially as he is really keen for me to move in and start helping him to pay off the mortgage. I am currently living back with my parents whilst undertaking teacher training. I would be so enthusiastic about this idea were it not for the state of his house.
It is a nice house in a great area, but he just does not seem to feel any need to clean it. When you walk in the floor is immediately covered in a couple of boxes of random things, letters that have been opened and chucked on the floor, toolboxes from his work as an electrician and rubbish meant for the recycling. Every room has random mess on the floor along with nails, screws, bits of wire etc. The kitchen counters are always filthy, covered in bits of food unless I have cleaned them that day and he hasn?t got round to cooking again yet. He washes up as and when he needs the utensils but leaves the sink a disgusting food and grease covered mess.
Most rooms are a genuine health and safety hazard with the amount of random things on the floor and there are some furniture items I haven?t got round to yet that are covered in thick layers of dust and dirt, as are any skirting boards I haven?t got to. He doesn?t even clean his toilets with the cleaner and toilet brushes that I bought for him as a hint and I consequently end up literally cleaning his **** up for him every time I am round.
I am ridiculously busy with my teacher training and all associated assignments and admin at the moment but it feels like my hobby outside of work is spending hours and hours cleaning for him just for it to go right back to how it was within a couple of hours.
I spent over 20 hours during my last school half term holiday cleaning and tidying 3 rooms and a single table heaped with stuff. Whenever he sees my cleaning he does say thank you a lot but makes sure to emphasise that I don?t have to do this and he?d never expect me to. The truth is, whilst I started doing it to help him as he also works a lot, it is now more for my own comfort as I?ve realised that he just does not care and makes no effort whatsoever to maintain my work. For example, he came home to a cleaned living room the other week and immediately started leaving sweet wrappers all over every surface.
I feel like I have no right to say anything to him as it is not my house and I don?t live here - I am a guest. However, early in our relationship he made a comment about how guys need a girl in their lives otherwise they?d live in squalor. He also wants me to move in as soon as possible and can?t understand why I don?t spend more time staying at his house now. Unfortunately I am too focused on being a good teacher to have the time to follow him around with a bin and a sweeping brush. I?d also quite like to have some hobbies of my own. He thinks that I am ?OCD? but I promise that my bar is not high at all - I?d just quite like to live in a house that wouldn?t make me feel embarrassed to have people over in.
So Dating.mobi - what on earth do I do in this situation without being naggy or controlling, or ending the relationship? If I moved in, would I end up being miserable and resentful? Thank you!
Source.
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