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I may have ruined my fianc?e's relationship with her parents with my "condescending" remarks to her (by Sparky)
I may have ruined my fianc?e's relationship with her parents with my "condescending" remarks to her sister
Backstory:
I (27M) have been recently engaged to a sweet girl named Marina (25F, fake name), we met during college and we hit it off, everything went well in our relationship and overall there were no red flags (we've been going strong for 3 years now) except for the fact that she always kept me away from meeting her family. In my culture family is important so when I knew that I was definitely going to marry this girl I introduced her to my parents and requested that she do the same with me.
She was hesitant and it caused a few small arguments between us but I've always respected her decision when she said no. I felt bad for a time like she was going to leave me for someone better, so I mustered up the courage to have an honest heart to heart conversation with her. I know it sounds cheesy but I told her my plans to marry her (basically purposed to her) while spilling my heart out, and in turn she then told me why she's kept me away from her family, the reason was her older sister who we'll call Eva (27F, also fake name).
Eva has been the family's "golden child" she was pretty, smart, blah blah blah, and has always tried to flirt or seduce Marina's previous partners (she had 3 boyfriends before meeting me, all ending in break ups due to Eva, one of them even slept with her). Marina told me that when she met me she felt genuinely happy for the first time in a long while and that she chose to go to a university far from her family to help with her mental health (her parents never batted an eye when Eva wronged Marina). I was appalled by hearing about her home life and continued to listen to her talk about her issues and her feelings.
after our talk she said yes to marrying me, I was surprised since it was so sudden (and I wasn't expecting an answer) but I was also ecstatic nonetheless and I'll be honest I was literally jumping for joy when I realized we were getting married. I told her that we didn't need to meet her family if she didn't want to, but she insisted that it was okay and that she loved her parents dearly and wanted me to meet them to get their blessing.
The part that I need advice on:
Just yesterday we finally visited her family (COVID restrictions are lifting and we were both vaccinated), they were very nice people and I got along well with her parents, Eva was there as well as she was visiting (very convenient timing) and at first I thought that she was acting very friendly towards me and Marina (totally not what I was expecting) but soon she start to compliment me way more, with the way I dress, my field of work being so lucrative, etc. etc. while totally ignoring Marina and trying to steal my attention from her. I would always try deflect her compliments and include Marina in my conversations with her, overall be friendly to her and her family while keeping my distance.
At this point Marina was getting visibly uncomfortable, so I politely told Eva that I appreciated her comments but she should turn it down a notch. She agreed and I thought that was that. Dinner came around and we were all getting to know each other, telling stories, jokes and then Eva then says something along the lines of "Its a shame that you're getting married to my boring sister, I would've totally dated you" and tried to laugh it off, before anyone can say anything I immediately clapped back with, "the feeling isn't mutual I definitely wouldn't date you even if I was single" and started to laugh myself. I think this got to Eva because she got upset and immediately left the dinner table without saying a word.
Her parents were furious and said that I went too far and that I hurt her feelings, Marina defended me and said that Eva's comments were inappropriate and how she's always tried to steal her previous partners, Marina and her parents went back and fourth and when it was going no where we decided to leave.
Marina got a text from her parents earlier today demanding that we apologize to Eva and that her comments were just "harmless" jokes, Marina said I was joking as well, but they said I was being a condescending ******* to their older daughter and they are now blaming me and telling Marina that she is being an "enabler to a toxic person" (their words not mine).
I am totally confused on what to do next, I never intended to hurt anyone's feelings, I just wanted to defend my future wife but now I feel like I've strained her relationship with her parents. On one hand her sister made her uncomfortable but on the other if I just kept quiet none of this would've happened. What can I do to help mend Marina and her parents relationship?
tl;dr: My fianc?e's sister made a rude joke to her, and I responded with a condescending remark that strained her relationship with her parents.
Source.
Backstory:
I (27M) have been recently engaged to a sweet girl named Marina (25F, fake name), we met during college and we hit it off, everything went well in our relationship and overall there were no red flags (we've been going strong for 3 years now) except for the fact that she always kept me away from meeting her family. In my culture family is important so when I knew that I was definitely going to marry this girl I introduced her to my parents and requested that she do the same with me.
She was hesitant and it caused a few small arguments between us but I've always respected her decision when she said no. I felt bad for a time like she was going to leave me for someone better, so I mustered up the courage to have an honest heart to heart conversation with her. I know it sounds cheesy but I told her my plans to marry her (basically purposed to her) while spilling my heart out, and in turn she then told me why she's kept me away from her family, the reason was her older sister who we'll call Eva (27F, also fake name).
Eva has been the family's "golden child" she was pretty, smart, blah blah blah, and has always tried to flirt or seduce Marina's previous partners (she had 3 boyfriends before meeting me, all ending in break ups due to Eva, one of them even slept with her). Marina told me that when she met me she felt genuinely happy for the first time in a long while and that she chose to go to a university far from her family to help with her mental health (her parents never batted an eye when Eva wronged Marina). I was appalled by hearing about her home life and continued to listen to her talk about her issues and her feelings.
after our talk she said yes to marrying me, I was surprised since it was so sudden (and I wasn't expecting an answer) but I was also ecstatic nonetheless and I'll be honest I was literally jumping for joy when I realized we were getting married. I told her that we didn't need to meet her family if she didn't want to, but she insisted that it was okay and that she loved her parents dearly and wanted me to meet them to get their blessing.
The part that I need advice on:
Just yesterday we finally visited her family (COVID restrictions are lifting and we were both vaccinated), they were very nice people and I got along well with her parents, Eva was there as well as she was visiting (very convenient timing) and at first I thought that she was acting very friendly towards me and Marina (totally not what I was expecting) but soon she start to compliment me way more, with the way I dress, my field of work being so lucrative, etc. etc. while totally ignoring Marina and trying to steal my attention from her. I would always try deflect her compliments and include Marina in my conversations with her, overall be friendly to her and her family while keeping my distance.
At this point Marina was getting visibly uncomfortable, so I politely told Eva that I appreciated her comments but she should turn it down a notch. She agreed and I thought that was that. Dinner came around and we were all getting to know each other, telling stories, jokes and then Eva then says something along the lines of "Its a shame that you're getting married to my boring sister, I would've totally dated you" and tried to laugh it off, before anyone can say anything I immediately clapped back with, "the feeling isn't mutual I definitely wouldn't date you even if I was single" and started to laugh myself. I think this got to Eva because she got upset and immediately left the dinner table without saying a word.
Her parents were furious and said that I went too far and that I hurt her feelings, Marina defended me and said that Eva's comments were inappropriate and how she's always tried to steal her previous partners, Marina and her parents went back and fourth and when it was going no where we decided to leave.
Marina got a text from her parents earlier today demanding that we apologize to Eva and that her comments were just "harmless" jokes, Marina said I was joking as well, but they said I was being a condescending ******* to their older daughter and they are now blaming me and telling Marina that she is being an "enabler to a toxic person" (their words not mine).
I am totally confused on what to do next, I never intended to hurt anyone's feelings, I just wanted to defend my future wife but now I feel like I've strained her relationship with her parents. On one hand her sister made her uncomfortable but on the other if I just kept quiet none of this would've happened. What can I do to help mend Marina and her parents relationship?
tl;dr: My fianc?e's sister made a rude joke to her, and I responded with a condescending remark that strained her relationship with her parents.
Source.
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