[Update] My mom [59F] passed away recently and left her house to me [25F]. My brother [24M] is furious.

Almost 6 months ago, I wrote my original post about my little brother. I was overwhelmed by the supportive, empathetic, and useful advice this Forum Section gave me. Thank you to every person who took the time to write a comment or message—you have been an unexpectedly helpful resource for me during a confusing time. I felt I owed an update, especially to people who sent me long and detailed advice about my situation. Plus, I’m home sick today, so why not?
About a week after I wrote my original post, I invited my brother over for dinner. I wanted to talk to him instead of talking at him, since as you guys pointed out, I had been treating him too much like my “baby brother†even though we were born only 11 months apart. I prepared some of our favorite dishes Mom used to make. He showed up clear-eyed and even helped me finish cooking. We shared funny memories of our childhood—tiptoeing to the basement at night to play PS2 games together, elaborately burying our pet guinea pig, and so many hilarious memories with Mom. I felt like he was my brother again, the gregarious and kind-hearted kid I'd grown up with. We even talked about our abusive father, and I explained how therapy had helped me overcome the sadness and anger I once harbored for him.
Eventually, we talked about Mom leaving the house to me. I told him as firmly as I could that I would not immediately give him the money from selling the house—but that I had already set aside money for his school, therapy, and rehab. I told him I would directly pay for all of the above if and when he wanted to go. (I have since placed all of the money from the house into a separate investment portfolio earmarked for him.) He was usually quite combative when these subjects come up but he was silent while I talked.
Then he cried. He told me he was sorry to me and to Mom for all the selfish things he had done. The lying, the threatening, the stealing. He said he still wanted to pursue a PhD like he’s wanted since he was 17 but he was scared that he was going to fail. He talked about how unexpectedly difficult the transition from high school to college was. He felt that high school was so easy by comparison—he was academically gifted (I’m talking near-perfect SAT on his first try) and barely studied, he was a top athlete and effortlessly popular, and he never felt desire for drugs or alcohol beyond trying weed and drinking beer at a few parties. He felt unprepared for college—he could no longer get straight A’s with his usual minimal effort, his first real romantic relationships were chaotic, and he quickly escalated to coping with hard drugs and hard liquor. He told me he felt so humiliated about failing to graduate that he had lied about it to all of his classmates (in addition to lying about it to me and Mom for a long time). It was heartbreaking to hear him explain his experiences.
We talked until the sun came up. I told him I was so thankful that he opened up to me, I was proud of him for wanting to get better, and I would support him in whatever he decides to do. We had a long hug before he left and he promised to message me about next steps. I felt relieved and optimistic. He had reached rock bottom and was ready to move on.
Sadly, I was wrong. He had not reached rock bottom yet. Despite our “breakthrough†evening, he did not respond to my messages and emails the next day. A day later, I received alerts from my bank about suspicious transactions. At some point that night, he had stolen my debit card information. I was shocked. I messaged him saying that I was hurt and disappointed, and that this was a really serious mistake which could have landed him in jail if he had done it to someone else. No reply. I sent several more messages over the next week with no replies. I was relieved to see that he was still active on social media because it meant he was still alive so I decided to just accept that he was avoiding me and leave him alone.
Two weeks later, I received a call in the middle of the night. Long story short, my brother went on a trip with some friends. Lots of hard drugs and alcohol involved. One of his best friends, his former roommate, overdosed. My brother called me from the hospital, sobbing incoherently. His friend was an only child from another country. Incredibly bright and high-functioning despite having a drug problem like my brother, since he somehow managed to graduate near the top of his class. His family was devastated. Their other “friend†who had supplied them with the substances effectively vanished and did not bother attending the funeral service. It was all heartbreaking.
In the aftermath, my brother finally agreed to see a therapist to work through the grief of losing his friend and to finally confront his own struggles including his addictions, Mom’s death, and our father’s abuse. It was difficult to find a therapist my brother liked and trusted, but we found a good fit on our fourth try and he has been seeing him regularly for 3 months. He moved out of his old place (which he shared with several people who still heavily partake in the substances which caused his friend’s death) and into an apartment with my friend from high school. They get along quite well and my brother told me he has been clean since he moved in, which I believe though I can never know for sure. He pays his rent with his part-time job and I pay for his therapy sessions. He apologized profusely for stealing my debit card info and confirmed that he was motivated by his addictions at the time. He has also dived into a pretty rigorous fitness regime (I’m talking 10-mile daily runs, lots of weight training, and an overnight shift to a vegan diet) which I recognize may be an alternative (albeit much healthier) outlet for his addictive tendencies. We talk frequently, grab coffee or brunch most weekends, and occasionally play PS4 games together. I am trying to be as supportive as possible without being overbearing, since as you guys pointed out on my last post, I really can’t control the actions of another adult and making good decisions will ultimately fall to him.
His recovery hasn’t been exactly linear but his mental state has improved drastically. So much so, in fact, that he is planning to return to school in January to finish his degree. It took many, many, many discussions with his university since he had already failed several additional semesters, was involved in a cheating incident (he allowed his friend to copy part of his take-home exam) and had an altercation with campus police (during his break-up with his ex-girlfriend). But with the help of a sympathetic dean, the university decided to give him one more chance. If he completes 4 classes in the spring, he will have enough credits for his degree. Pursuing a PhD may still be tricky, since I’m not sure if the prestige of his university and his part-time research experiences outweigh his inconsistent GPA and poor record, but at the very least he will have better options with a diploma. I was more than happy to pay his tuition for the semester and hope I can continue to support his education.
I think that pretty much sums it up. I feel proud and optimistic but also more cautious than I felt before. I am mentally prepared for a long, bumpy road even though I can’t help hoping that this is truly my brother’s turning point. I am heartbroken for his friend who passed away and for his friend’s family, but I am so grateful that his tragedy inspired my brother to seek help rather than fall deeper into his dangerous habits. And I am grateful for all the strangers in this sub who took the time to give me advice almost 6 months ago—you guys really opened my eyes to mistakes I was making such as enabling and coddling him. I don’t think many people will make it to the end of this post since I’ve unwittingly written an essay but thank you all for your advice and support.
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TL;DR: My brother’s close friend passed away due to an overdose. It’s been a bumpy road, but my brother is on the road to recovery. He has been receiving therapy regularly and is poised to return to school in January to hopefully finish up his degree. I have placed all the money from selling Mom’s house into a separate account and have been directly paying for therapy and tuition. My brother seems happier and healthier than he’s been in a long time, and I am so hopeful that his life continues to improve.


Source.