[UPDATE] I [24F] am moving in with my boyfriend [24M] of 1 year in the spring. My mother [60sF] has a very traditional opinion on cohabiting and will not take this news well.

!!Original post!!
Hallooo! I wanted to drop a quick (good) update and hopefully embolden any other folks out there who might be struggling with breaking from longstanding familial views as an adult.
[disclaimer for typos via mobile]
So we made the move—BF and I found a wonderful unit in a great part of our city and moved ahead of our original schedule. We’re settled, we’re happy, we’re healthy; we need to hang a few most posters and are waiting for a new computer desk, but the apartment is home now! We adore it.
But February into early March was a GAUNTLET.
BF was a real rock throughout the process. He talked through every possible scenario under the sun with me, we confronted conversations about out future a lot earlier than we expected to (tossed around the idea of a long engagement, different marriage timelines, the whole 9). Throughout, he was adamant that this was MY decision. I took Us into consideration in a primary way, but he was sure to make sure the final call was mine and mine alone. We did a lot of holding-and-crying, his family was incredibly supportive, and I ultimately decided that the only net-gain decision with everything taken into consideration was for us to proceed with the move.
My mother took the news very, very personally. I told my parents initially when I went to their house one night to have dinner with them, but they reacted with staunch resistance so I let the conversation rest for a few days. I wanted to set up another in-person conversation with my mother to say hey, this is going to happen, I love you and I know you care about me but I need to do this because it’s what’s best for me and my relationship—she got impatient and we ended up having that conversation over the phone. She was extremely upset and ended up hanging up on me, but I had said my piece. It hurt, but at least it was mostly done.
There were a few tense days that followed, with a big weight removed from my shoulders but a couple other family members messaging me to say how disappointed they were with my decision to move forward with something that upset my mother so much. It was sort of amazing to me in a weird way, to see those foundations rocked so much by ONE decision. My uncle put it best—it was the first true break in ideology my sister or I had ever brought to the table, so it had big fallout.
My parents soon invited BF and I over for another dinner to talk about the decision. It was nerve-wracking and we all cried a lot, but at the end of it all the air was cleared to the point of “Well here we are then.†My mother was still very upset, and my father’s attitude was more of “I don’t agree, but life goes on.†They didn’t want to hear any more about it at that point, so that’s where we left it then.
Over the next several days, things were awkward. I emailed my mother to thank her for her openness, and she responded back with cautious optimism that I might reconsider but she obviously still loves me. She let me know that she will hold reserved feelings for BF until we get engaged, but if that’s what she needs to do to feel alright with this then that’s what we work with. I told her thank you, I don’t want us to lose our relationship over this, I’m still moving, but we will go from here.
It was only a couple weeks ago when things finally started truly cooling off. I think it was a combination of my father and some of her friends with adult children sitting her down after a few days to say “Hey, this isn’t the end of the world.†She has been much more open to discussing the apartment and the future with me, and I’m SO glad I went about this openly and truthfully. It will still take a lot of work from both of us to keep an understanding between us, but I feel like that’s really possible now.
Thank you SO MUCH to all the comments on the original for all the different advice to consider. It was so helpful to hear from others who were in a similar position.
For anyone else approaching or in the middle of a situation like this, I want to stress the importance of being honest with yourself, your motivations, and your plans for the future. I couldn’t have done this without MOUNTAINS of self-reflection and discussion of some of the harder things to talk about in a relationship, both the familial and the romantic. Be open to conflict and willing to address some tough stuff.
At the end of it all, I’m convinced from here ‘til Sunday that I’ve made the right decision. It was a super important step of adulthood for me, and though it came with consequences they’re the kind I’m prepared to work with. There will be bumps along the road going forward with my mother, but nothing we can’t handle.
Now I just have to find wall space for TWO collections of posters ^;
TL;DR - Had some really hard conversations, made some really tough decisions, but ultimately decided to forge ahead with the move. My mother was extremely upset, but she’s willing to rebuild going forward with a lot of fresh effort from both of us. New apartment is fantastic, but could do with more wall space.


Source.