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[UPDATE]I [20F] am a tutor for high school students, through my university. There is a (special need (by Sparky)
[UPDATE]I [20F] am a tutor for high school students, through my university. There is a (special needs) student [16F] who is making me extremely uncomfortable by being inappropriate with me. Is she out of line or am I just being judgmental?
Original Post
First of all, I want to thank everyone for the incredible amounts of support I was given through that post. It was extremely scary for me, considering the circumstances, and I was shown nothing but a helping hand and I really appreciate it.
So, it has been awhile since I posted and I thought it would be a really good idea to post an update! I am actually sitting at work right now as I am typing this. This morning I took my last final for the semester, and I get to go home for the holiday’s tomorrow. So not only has time passed, but the semester is over which means I will no longer be working these hours in this specific lab!
I guess I’ll rewind a bit. If you did not read my original post, here is a quick summary of what happened: I am a tutor for high school students. I was hired in for a specific subject, which is a higher level math. I started seeing a student named Elle coming in pretty regularly. At first, she didn’t pay much attention to me, but soon after she started coming into my specific classroom and sitting at my desk every day that I worked. The classroom is set up like a regular school room that you’d see in the movies, with my desk being at the very front. So imagine that, and then a student coming in sitting with me for 5 hours. She would touch my laptop, read my text messages, ask my personal questions (like about my sex life with my boyfriend, who she knew about from reading my texts), she would hug me, grab my food and coffee, and talk to me about either irrelevant or VERY concerning things. Elle is special needs, and has a clear disconnect with being socially aware. I was nervous to approach anybody about my insane un-comfortability with Elle out of pure terror people would think I was being sensitive, rude, and judgmental.
After posting on here, I sent my boss a message saying I needed to talk. The next day I explained to her the situation and told her I was concerned for Elle’s safety based on the claims she was making to me. I told her I was uncomfortable with Elle being in my room because I felt like a therapist and babysitter, which is NOT what I agreed to when being hired in. I also explained that she was asking me inappropriate questions, and feared she was not learning proper boundary skills outside of the tutoring center.
My boss was very understanding and concerned. We took several steps to make sure Elle’s parents were not neglecting her (false allegation under Elle’s part) and that anyone bullying her at school would get in trouble (also a false allegation). We sent e-mails around to make sure everyone was on the same page with helping Elle learn basic social skills and how to not cross boundaries.
As far as what we did on our side, we implemented many no-touching rules in the center. No hugs, no touching the tutor’s personal objects, and making sure if you are sitting with the tutor, it is only if you need help with something.
And as far as what I personally did with Elle… I wish I could say something better but I really can’t. I avoided her for awhile. I was very uncomfortable, and it was going to take some time for me to gain the courage to tell her no. For a few days, one of my co-workers took her into his room to “watch†over. After that, Elle starting requesting to sit in my room. I felt ready, so we let her. She tried to hug me and I followed with a “No, Elle, I do not wish to be touched right now. I can give you a high five though!â€. She tried to sit with me and I said, “No, Elle, nobody is allowed to sit with me unless they need help with homework. Do you need homework help?†If she tried to get my attention while I was with another student, I would say, “Elle, I am with someone right now. I will be with you in a secondâ€. Every time I would tell her no, I made sure it was clear but nice, and would put my finger up, smile, and offer her an alternative.
I did that for awhile until recently, when she moved rooms again. I suspect she’ll be back to this room eventually but because the semester is over, I will be having a whole new class schedule. And this class schedule matches up better with a lab on the other side of campus, so I won’t be seeing Elle anymore.
I’m definitely glad I said something, because otherwise Elle’s behavior would have continued into her late teens-early 20s. Right now it is fixable, if she gets any older I feel as though it will be harder habits for her to break. Not just that but it could get her in some serious trouble by putting herself in danger. Imagine if she crossed boundaries with someone who did NOT tolerate it what so ever…. The school, Elle’s parents, and our tutoring center are all working really hard to make sure Elle learns these things properly. Thank you everyone for your help!!
Tl:dr; I gained the courage to talk to my boss. We made many changes and now we are working with Elle’s parents and school to help her learn social skills!
Source.
Original Post
First of all, I want to thank everyone for the incredible amounts of support I was given through that post. It was extremely scary for me, considering the circumstances, and I was shown nothing but a helping hand and I really appreciate it.
So, it has been awhile since I posted and I thought it would be a really good idea to post an update! I am actually sitting at work right now as I am typing this. This morning I took my last final for the semester, and I get to go home for the holiday’s tomorrow. So not only has time passed, but the semester is over which means I will no longer be working these hours in this specific lab!
I guess I’ll rewind a bit. If you did not read my original post, here is a quick summary of what happened: I am a tutor for high school students. I was hired in for a specific subject, which is a higher level math. I started seeing a student named Elle coming in pretty regularly. At first, she didn’t pay much attention to me, but soon after she started coming into my specific classroom and sitting at my desk every day that I worked. The classroom is set up like a regular school room that you’d see in the movies, with my desk being at the very front. So imagine that, and then a student coming in sitting with me for 5 hours. She would touch my laptop, read my text messages, ask my personal questions (like about my sex life with my boyfriend, who she knew about from reading my texts), she would hug me, grab my food and coffee, and talk to me about either irrelevant or VERY concerning things. Elle is special needs, and has a clear disconnect with being socially aware. I was nervous to approach anybody about my insane un-comfortability with Elle out of pure terror people would think I was being sensitive, rude, and judgmental.
After posting on here, I sent my boss a message saying I needed to talk. The next day I explained to her the situation and told her I was concerned for Elle’s safety based on the claims she was making to me. I told her I was uncomfortable with Elle being in my room because I felt like a therapist and babysitter, which is NOT what I agreed to when being hired in. I also explained that she was asking me inappropriate questions, and feared she was not learning proper boundary skills outside of the tutoring center.
My boss was very understanding and concerned. We took several steps to make sure Elle’s parents were not neglecting her (false allegation under Elle’s part) and that anyone bullying her at school would get in trouble (also a false allegation). We sent e-mails around to make sure everyone was on the same page with helping Elle learn basic social skills and how to not cross boundaries.
As far as what we did on our side, we implemented many no-touching rules in the center. No hugs, no touching the tutor’s personal objects, and making sure if you are sitting with the tutor, it is only if you need help with something.
And as far as what I personally did with Elle… I wish I could say something better but I really can’t. I avoided her for awhile. I was very uncomfortable, and it was going to take some time for me to gain the courage to tell her no. For a few days, one of my co-workers took her into his room to “watch†over. After that, Elle starting requesting to sit in my room. I felt ready, so we let her. She tried to hug me and I followed with a “No, Elle, I do not wish to be touched right now. I can give you a high five though!â€. She tried to sit with me and I said, “No, Elle, nobody is allowed to sit with me unless they need help with homework. Do you need homework help?†If she tried to get my attention while I was with another student, I would say, “Elle, I am with someone right now. I will be with you in a secondâ€. Every time I would tell her no, I made sure it was clear but nice, and would put my finger up, smile, and offer her an alternative.
I did that for awhile until recently, when she moved rooms again. I suspect she’ll be back to this room eventually but because the semester is over, I will be having a whole new class schedule. And this class schedule matches up better with a lab on the other side of campus, so I won’t be seeing Elle anymore.
I’m definitely glad I said something, because otherwise Elle’s behavior would have continued into her late teens-early 20s. Right now it is fixable, if she gets any older I feel as though it will be harder habits for her to break. Not just that but it could get her in some serious trouble by putting herself in danger. Imagine if she crossed boundaries with someone who did NOT tolerate it what so ever…. The school, Elle’s parents, and our tutoring center are all working really hard to make sure Elle learns these things properly. Thank you everyone for your help!!
Tl:dr; I gained the courage to talk to my boss. We made many changes and now we are working with Elle’s parents and school to help her learn social skills!
Source.
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