[UPDATE] I’m [22F] bothered by how my best friend[22F] claims she doesn’t see my texts and takes days to respond. But when we’re together, she’s consistently looking at her phone and texting. Should I call her out?

Original post!
So I went ahead and talked to Amanda about it. Because some people asked in the other post, I don’t think my texts are draining — it’s all light-hearted things, like asking how school is going or sending each other funny links. That’s why I didn’t really mind it took her several days to respond initially (it’s an improvement from before, where it would literally take her weeks). Like, I’ve known her for long enough that I know she’s just not a very good texter. But when I noticed she would be on her phone all the time while we were hanging out or texting other people back faster in comparison, of course that hurt my feelings.
We’ve been friends for so long though, I wanted to talk it out with her. And just from personal experience, I really hate it when I do something unintentionally that bothers a friend… and they just end up bottling it up and becoming passive aggressive or exploding about it later. Also, I really didn’t want resentment in what is otherwise a great friendship.
Anyways, I met up with her for coffee yesterday morning and I just explained how her actions made me feel. I also did ask her if she found my texts draining because I wanted to have a fair, open discussion.
Amanda said my texts weren’t draining at all, and that she really is busy with school. But she’s been on her phone a lot because she’s on-call at her work now, and subsequently, she’ll see the messages she gets more frequently. The people she texts back instantly are either her parents and her boss. Other texts she’ll read, but put off responding until later. Additionally, the reason why she participated in the group chat was because she’d actually been feeling like the other girls were freezing her out for being so unresponsive all the time. She was afraid of losing them, because we’re her only friend group, so she’s making more of an effort lately. With me, she said that she might have taken me for granted just because we’re so close. But anyway I appreciated how honest she was.
It’s normal for Amanda not to text me back for about three days or so. I’m actually used to it. But I’ve come to realize that I was feeling more sensitive/insecure than usual about this because Amanda is busy with graduate school, and I’ve just been really afraid of drifting apart. We just graduated and it’s kind of scary to see friends move or become more distant after entering the workforce. Especially since I'm leaving for Europe soon for school... But that’s just part of life and something I’ll have to personally deal with.
In short, we both apologized to each other and everything’s cool now. It was nice being able to reaffirm our friendship and get everything off our chest too.
Honestly, I was a bit taken aback by how many people were saying that we must not be very good friends or Amanda is trying to ghost me. I can’t emphasize enough that it’s not like that at all!
Nevertheless thanks to everyone for their advice/experiences/perspective. I still appreciate the people who took the time to help me out.
tldr: We talked it out and it’s all good now. I’m grateful to have such an understanding friend.


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