Sex with my boyfriend is so bad that it is ruining our relationship

*TL;DR: My boyfriend and I [f], both late twenties, have been dating for several years and I am so frustrated with our sex life that I no longer want to have sex with him, even though I have a healthy appetite for sex. *
When we first started dating, sex was ok. It was always very vanilla and I played a much more active role than I'm used to (like being on top more than 50% of the time. It isn't an issue, I'm just used to the guy being the more active role) but he did actively participate in sex.
Now, it seems like every time we have sex, it is the first time ever for him: he expects me to essentially direct his every action during foreplay. I have to tell him to stop playing with my boobs and move south; to him, that means rubbing my stomach and thighs. I have to tell him where to touch me, I have to tell him to insert fingers etc. the entire time because otherwise, he will just squeeze my boobs for 10 minutes. I even have to take off my bra for him because he "can't". I'm all for communication during sex, but I feel like you should 1. Know the basics 2. Learn what your partner likes after you've been with them for several years.
He changed from a manual labor to a desk job, has become very out of shape, and will not actively participate in sex. I have to ask him to be on top, and he will oblige if begrudgingly, but that position only lasts about 1 minute. He is also very overweight and we are now limited to about 3 positions that offer any kind of penetration. Normally, it is entirely me on top. Sex lasts roughly 5 minutes, and that is with 1-2 breaks so he doesn't come immediately. By the time I have cleaned myself up, he is on his phone. He came, so sex is over. I haven't orgasmed during sex/foreplay in about 2 years.
I have tried everything I can think to get him more engaged in sex. I've asked him if he wants me to dress up, wear lingerie, wear a certain color of lingerie, stockings, socks, role play, tie him up, tie me up, use toys, fantasies, fetishes... He was ok with me bringing toys into bed but didn't want to use them himself, so I ended up masturbating the two of us while he laid there.
I finally had a talk with him about all of this and nothing changed. He said "it is hard to know what is working for you", which is kind of BS because I am very vocal about what feels good/move your hand here/ do this (again, communication is good but I should not have to direct every action every time. If you are having sex with someone, shouldn't you know you need to touch their junk?). I suppose I could have better voiced my frustrations but I do not want to be offensive or insult him.
He isn't mean or selfish; I know he wants me to feel good, but he will not do anything to make sure I am also enjoying sex, if that makes sense. I have gotten to the point that I resent any kind of affection from him because I'm afraid it will lead to sex. This is not ok and I shouldn't resent his affections, even if it leads to bad sex. At the same time, I feel like my needs aren't being met, and he either doesn't understand or doesn't care that only one side of this relationship is getting anything out of sex.
Where do I go from here?


Source.