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My father [50M] will soon leave a halfway house after being in prison. My mother [45F] wants him to (by Sparky)
My father [50M] will soon leave a halfway house after being in prison. My mother [45F] wants him to come back home; I [20F] do not want this.
Background info: The FBI discovered about six years ago that my father was viewing child pornography. Neither my mom or I knew of this. Two years ago he went to prison, and now he is out in a halfway house until he can find a job.
My mother has been keeping in contact with him ever since prison, writing letters, dropping off items, driving him to interviews, looking stuff up online for him, etc. I only occasionally contact him, and I've only seen him once both in prison and at the halfway house.
I have not had a very good relationship with my father for as long as I can remember. He was never abusive to me AFAIK, but he was very controlling and prone to anger so living with him was like walking on eggshells. My mother got the brunt of it, with him often yelling at her until she cried, never admitting to any fault of his own, and criticizing her for the smallest things.
After the FBI incident, he tried to reform. He became a Christian, read a bunch of philosophy/self-help books, and tried to recognize the problems he's had. He's not nearly as bad as he was before. Mom wants to give him a second chance so she can have "the marriage they didn't get to have" and wants to bring him back into the house. I don't want this.
First of all, I have doubts on how much he has changed. I attempted to have a text conversation with him to see but while most of his responses were normal, there was always generally a single line that just felt really off or accusatory. Mom tells me that she doesn't believe he's said anything wrong and that it's hard to read intent over text. I asked my friends about it and they all thought the opposite; that he was acting like a "martyr" and being selfish.
Secondly, when he gets back, we cannot have any Internet access at the house. We'll have to move all of our electronics to a neighbor's house. This wouldn't be so much of a problem if it weren't for the fact that my only friends are online, including my best friend of six years who has been nothing but supportive of me and has kept me from having quite a few breakdowns.
I looked into moving somewhere else but I don't have a lot of money. I had to leave work half a year ago due to health concerns and I can't get any job that requires standing for a long time. I also have some physical problems that keep me from doing manual labor. I'm still in school so I don't have a major yet, making my options pretty minimal. Adding to that, I have a panic disorder. It's much better than it used to be, but I still struggle with it and finding the right medication. I can't even be in a car for more than an hour without hyperventilating. My mental and physical health problems make it so that moving probably wouldn't be a good decision for me.
I just don't know what to do. I hate him. I hate him so goddamn much. It took me twenty years to realize that, even if he didn't abuse me, I still grew up in a mentally abusive household. Am I wrong for wanting to act like he doesn't even exist? Part of me feels guilty because he tried to get the best for me; he was always buying me expensive stuff or making sure we lived in the best neighborhoods or I went to the best schools. But our family right now lives on only one wage. We can't afford a lot, and yet I'm a lot happier than I used to be. I feel more like I can be myself, and I know Mom's gotten stronger and more confident without him.
TL;DR Mom wants Dad to come home from prison; I don't. Not sure if I'm being reasonable about it.
Source.
Background info: The FBI discovered about six years ago that my father was viewing child pornography. Neither my mom or I knew of this. Two years ago he went to prison, and now he is out in a halfway house until he can find a job.
My mother has been keeping in contact with him ever since prison, writing letters, dropping off items, driving him to interviews, looking stuff up online for him, etc. I only occasionally contact him, and I've only seen him once both in prison and at the halfway house.
I have not had a very good relationship with my father for as long as I can remember. He was never abusive to me AFAIK, but he was very controlling and prone to anger so living with him was like walking on eggshells. My mother got the brunt of it, with him often yelling at her until she cried, never admitting to any fault of his own, and criticizing her for the smallest things.
After the FBI incident, he tried to reform. He became a Christian, read a bunch of philosophy/self-help books, and tried to recognize the problems he's had. He's not nearly as bad as he was before. Mom wants to give him a second chance so she can have "the marriage they didn't get to have" and wants to bring him back into the house. I don't want this.
First of all, I have doubts on how much he has changed. I attempted to have a text conversation with him to see but while most of his responses were normal, there was always generally a single line that just felt really off or accusatory. Mom tells me that she doesn't believe he's said anything wrong and that it's hard to read intent over text. I asked my friends about it and they all thought the opposite; that he was acting like a "martyr" and being selfish.
Secondly, when he gets back, we cannot have any Internet access at the house. We'll have to move all of our electronics to a neighbor's house. This wouldn't be so much of a problem if it weren't for the fact that my only friends are online, including my best friend of six years who has been nothing but supportive of me and has kept me from having quite a few breakdowns.
I looked into moving somewhere else but I don't have a lot of money. I had to leave work half a year ago due to health concerns and I can't get any job that requires standing for a long time. I also have some physical problems that keep me from doing manual labor. I'm still in school so I don't have a major yet, making my options pretty minimal. Adding to that, I have a panic disorder. It's much better than it used to be, but I still struggle with it and finding the right medication. I can't even be in a car for more than an hour without hyperventilating. My mental and physical health problems make it so that moving probably wouldn't be a good decision for me.
I just don't know what to do. I hate him. I hate him so goddamn much. It took me twenty years to realize that, even if he didn't abuse me, I still grew up in a mentally abusive household. Am I wrong for wanting to act like he doesn't even exist? Part of me feels guilty because he tried to get the best for me; he was always buying me expensive stuff or making sure we lived in the best neighborhoods or I went to the best schools. But our family right now lives on only one wage. We can't afford a lot, and yet I'm a lot happier than I used to be. I feel more like I can be myself, and I know Mom's gotten stronger and more confident without him.
TL;DR Mom wants Dad to come home from prison; I don't. Not sure if I'm being reasonable about it.
Source.
making my options pretty minimal.
What your father did was wrong in all aspects, but to be honest you are lucky. You are lucky he only looked at others, you were never touched, so do i think you're over reacting? Hell yea i do. I think you've gotten used to it being just you and your mom and you don't want change. You're thinking of no one but yourself. It's your moms decision to take him back or not, not yours. Grow up.
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