My wife (F27) and I (M26) have been married 7 years. She has grown feelings for a man at work and wants to divorce me to be with him. What do I do?

My wife (F27) and I (M26) have been married for over 7 years, but been together a total of 10 years. We were high school sweethearts. Our marriage has always been good. We have never once had to question one another's trust. My wife followed me while I was in the military. The whole time I was serving, she was going to college online.
Shortly after she completed her bachelors degree, we flew back home for a week of vacation and to see family.
While there, she found a job posting for her DREAM job. She showed it to me and we talked about it. I only had a few months left on my military enlistment and I planned on re-enlisting, but I told her she should go ahead and apply for it. Two days later she gets an interview.
Our visit back home ended and we were back at the base we were stationed at, and about a week after her interview she got a call with a job offer. I was hesitant about getting out of the military, but considered how she had followed me throughout the military and supported me.
I decided it was my turn to follow her and let her live her dream. She moved back home and started her job while I stayed where we were stationed at for my last three months before my enlistment ended. We bought a house down there, and when I moved back I found myself a job.
*Fast forward three years later\*
My wife is still at her dream job, and absolutely thriving. She had already been promoted to a Senior position. I had just hit my two year mark at one of the best companies in town. She is making decent pay, and I am making really good pay. We are doing better then we ever could have imagined. Living an absolute dream.
That is, until this past weekend.
My wife had to go to work on Saturday, so I decided to go on a short trip to a town about 1 hour away to see some of my family while she is at work.
While I am out of town she calls me. She tells me that we need to separate for a while, she tells me that she is not doing good mentally (anxiety/depression) and she really needs to be away from me for a while to work on herself.
I am shocked.
We have never done anything like this, let alone ever even mention it. I try to talk to her, but she tells me that there is nothing I can do to change her mind. She wants me out of the house for 1 month, and if I don't do as she asks, she will contact an attorney. I know that there is no legal action that could be taken against me because the house is in both of our names, but I agree to leave.
She lets me come to the house while she isn't there to get some of my stuff. I find a place to stay for a while. I think to myself that there is no way she really wants me gone for a month and she will probably wake up tomorrow and feel better, and ask me to come home. I love my wife more then anything, and if she needs space from me to work on herself and her mental problems, I am going to do whatever she needs.
I wake up the next morning and have a Facebook message from a woman I don't know and it says "I am so sorry for what my husband did to ruin your marriage."
My heart literally sank.
I ask the woman what she is talking about. She asks me, "You didn't know that my husband and your wife have been seeing each other?". At this point I am absolutely overcome with dread. This is literally a nightmare. Surely not my wife... not in a million years.
I call my wife, and am surprised she answers. I tell her about the message from this woman and ask her what it's all about. She tells me that the man is someone she works with and that his wife is just crazy, and that none of what she says is true.
As the day progresses, I listen to what this lady has to say and am also talking to my wife on and off. Eventually my wife tells me that this man had recently confessed he had feelings for her, but she doesn't like him back. A few hours later my wife changes her story and admits that this man confessed his feelings to her, and that she feels the same towards him.
By this time I am feeling physically ill from the stress and emotional pain.
Now my wife tells me that she wants a divorce.
She claims that she is not having a relationship with this man, and that she wants a divorce because I "verbally and emotionally abuse her". I am just speechless. I have never once abused her in any way whatsoever. My wife stops talking to me for the rest of the day. I continue talking to this mans wife, getting the details of what has happened on her side.
She said that her husband and my wife both went into work that Saturday morning to plan how they were going to leave their spouses in order to be with one another. They left their office around noon, he went home and told his wife he wants a divorce. He told her that he had been talking to my wife, and that she would be leaving me as well. This is happening at the same time my wife had called me and demanded I get out of the house.
I call to confront my wife about this alleged plan. She gets angry and denies it. My wife and I are talking very little at this point and have not seen each other in person since she left for work that Saturday morning.
The next day is Monday. I get up, go to work, and talk to some of my coworkers about what's happening. One of my coworkers informs me that I can go to our online account for our cell phone plan and see logs of when and to who text messages were sent. I do that, and find almost 500 text messages sent between my wife and this man in the past 3 weeks alone. There is also over 400 minutes of phone conversation between the two of them in the last 3 days alone. I look through all of it. They had been texting each other every single day for the last three weeks. Almost every night they stayed up texting each other until two in the morning. While we are in bed together, I am asleep, and she is awake talking to this man. I cannot believe this, but my wife has been cheating on me.
She has to be cheating, there is no other explanation.
Two days later we speak again. I confront her in a very calm manner (I hadn't been angry or talked rude to her at all during this whole thing). I ask her, "Have you been cheating on me with this man for the last 3 weeks?". She says no. She says that they have feelings for one another, but are not in any kind of relationship, and claims she is only divorcing me due to the "mental/verbal abuse" she receives from me. I send her copies of all the text message logs; present the evidence to her. I tell her that she is lying, and that this is proof. She quickly turns angry and accuses me of being a liar and a cheater. I ask her what I am lying about and who am I cheating on her with? She doesn't answer either of the questions. Instead, she starts telling me that someone is feeding me lies and that she feels sorry for me because I think that she is in some sort of relationship with this man. I point out the text message logs and the fact that she told me herself that they have feelings for each other.
How could it be anything else?
How am I unreasonable for my suspicions?
Later that night, we end up talking to each other on the phone again. She says that she wants to talk to me, but she refuses to talk about what's going on between her and this other guy. I agree to not bring it up, so we spend an hour on the phone talking about everything else. Feelings, where we go from here, and why she feels that I emotionally/verbally abuse her. She brings up times that I have said mean things to her and done things just to mess with her head.
Example- one time, about a year ago, we were having a bad argument So I packed a bag to make it look like I was going to leave the house for the night. In reality, wasn't going to leave. I guess I did it to make her ask me to not leave, to express how upset I was, or just whatever. I have also said mean things to her in the past, such as telling her she is acting immature, she is embarrassing me, and that she needs to grow up.
I spent time reflecting on all of these events she has brought up. I realize that I didn't always treat her the best, granted that she also had her fair share of treating me bad as well. For some reason, all these times that I had fallen short of being a perfect husband got etched in her brain and really messed her up.
We eventually end our phone call to go to sleep. I am feeling a little better about everything, but I still need answers about what's happening between her and this other guy.
I wake up the next morning and decide to go online and check the text message logs. These logs update in real time, so its always showing the most recent calls/text. After viewing the most recent ones, I realize that while we were on the phone last night for an hour talking about everything, and kind of trying to fix things, she had been texting this man the whole time.
The entire time we were talking on the phone, she was messaging him at the same time.
I decide enough is enough. If we are getting a divorce, I deserve to know the truth. I call her and she answers. I tell her that I am really upset (embarrassed to say, but I am crying. I've cried a lot the past few days).
First, I tell her that I know they were texting each other last night while her and I were on the phone. She doesn't deny it. She explains that they were both watching a football or basketball game, and were texting each other to talk about the game.
I cannot believe this.
After all these years, she is more concerned about talking to this man about a ball game then speaking with me about our marriage? I am absolutely devastated.
I explain to her that I need to know the truth. She finally agrees to tell me. She admits that they have been developing this relationship over the last month. They work together, and they talk a lot. She goes to him at work and cries in his office if she is feeling sad. He has a way with words that I don't, and he makes her feel special and noticed. But I don't give her that feeling anymore. She expresses that their relationship has strictly just been talking and having feelings for one another, and that they have NOT had sex. I do believe her when she says they haven't had sex.
She swears that they did not plan to both breakup with their spouses on the same day, it was a coincidence that it happened that way. She said that I had done something to her the evening prior that made her decide then that she was going to leave me (I was upset that she stayed out until after midnight without texting me or letting me know she was okay. She had also deleted me off of Life360 that night, and I was upset when she got home).
I ask her if they plan on being together after our divorce is final. She says that they have talked about it, but she wants to wait a few months after our divorce before she gets in a relationship. She needs time alone to fix herself. I ask her again if they've had sex. She says no, but they have talked about having sex in the future.
So now I have the truth of what has been going on. It all hurts so bad. My precious wife of all these years... devoted to another man.
We talk more about what I had done to hurt her over the years and how it contributed to this divorce as well. We come to an agreement that we are both responsible for what's going on. I have hurt her feelings to many times, and she has betrayed our marriage.
It's both our faults.
She says she will arrange the divorce with an attorney and be in touch.
I feel a little at piece with everything, but cannot understand why I'm not mad. My wife betrayed me, pursued another man in secret, has talked about a future with this man, and has talked about having sex with him in the future.
Yet I am not angry.
A little more information I forgot to mention earlier- this man is 10 years older then her, has been married 15 years, and has three kids.
My wife has fallen for this man because of the way he talks to her and charms her. I have seen his picture. He is overweight, ugly, and greasy looking. I am not claiming to be a super model, but I am in decent shape and a really clean guy.
I just can't wrap my head around this.
This guy's wife had also told me that my wife is the third woman that he has done this with. He will find a younger girl, take off with her for a few months, then come back to his wife. She says that she always takes him back for the sake of their children.
I consider that this man is taking advantage of my wife. When we had last talked and settled everything, I had mentioned that possibility. I told her that she is not the first woman he has done this with, asked her to please consider that he may be taking advantage of her.
I also forgot to mention that we do not have any children.
If you have made it this far, thank you!
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My questions for the Dating.mobi community:
This is only day 4 after I found out about her and this man. There is a chance that feelings can change. If my wife realizes she is making a big mistake, do I take her back?
Can I ever trust her again?
Should I be fighting for her to stay with me? I have not done that at all yet. I told myself that if she is willing to throw away a 10 year relationship after only seriously talking to this guy for 3 weeks, then she isn't worth staying with. But I still love her. I had mentioned that if there was ever a possibility of us staying together, then she cannot work there anymore and be around him.
So far I have still been talking to my wife a little bit, kind of like friends would. Should I keep doing this? or only talk to her regarding our divorce arrangements?
She still insist that she would be divorcing me anyway because of the alleged mental/verbal abuse. I told her I would have been willing to do any therapy or counseling she wanted in order to fix that, but its out the door now because of her and this man.
If we go through with this divorce, and a month later she comes begging for me to take her back, do I?
Should I speak with a therapist?
This has not only hurt us, but our families. I am really close with my wife's parents, and they are disgusted with her. But they don't want to push her away because they love her.
My wife never once asked where I went to stay when she kicked me out, how I am doing, or if I am okay. Does she not care about me at all now?
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TL;DR My wife of 7 years is leaving me for a man she has been talking to for 3 weeks. What do I do?


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