Pretty much the only joke i know: one day at school David was set a school assignment to find three phrases, so he went home to ask his older sister who was talking on the phone she said "shut up!" then he went to his younger sister who was listening and singing to music she said "yeah, yeah" finally he went to his younger brother who was watching superman and he said "superman!" so the next day the teacher asked "so David did you find 3 phrases?" David replyed "shut up!" the teacher shocked then asked "do you want to be taken to the headmaster?" David replyed "yeah, yeah!" and the headmaster asked "who do you think you are?" David replyed "superman!"

lol

Guy goes into a bar and bets the bartender $500 that he can **** across the bar and not get any on it so the bartender says go ahead the guy starts peeing all over the bar so the bartender start jumping all happy and gets his money then another guy throws a stool and leaves ****** off the bartender asks whats his problem the guy goes i bet him $1000 that i could **** all over the bar and make u happy

Switch the first letters in Pop Corn and what do u get? COP PORN.....AKA the fukin law

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas, and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location. The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocke t, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this ****ing badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land !! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear?.... do you understand?!!" The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs..... "Your badge, show him your ****ing BADGE!!"

@paint: LOL!!! stupid dea officer. xD

@Pandasol: lol

@paint: hey, i havent heard it before, so i cracked up laughing. xD

Farmer goes to the house next door and knocks on the door and a little boy comes to the so the farmer asks if his dad is home boy goes nope pa went to town. is ur mom home? nope ma went to town with pa. well is ur brother harvy home? nope he went to town with pa and ma is there any tools u need i know where they are. farmer goes well ur brother harvy got my daughter pregnent! so the boy goes i know pa charges 500 for the bull 200 for the hawg i dont know what he charges for harvy

@youngcowboy: lmao good 1



i herd dis ina song xD

blind man waz walkin down ah road..
he walked past ah fish market, smellz real loud, and seyz "g00d mornin laddiez"

idk whii i thought dat waz funnie.. lol

wht about "wht do yuhh call ah dog wit no legz?