My [41M] wife?s [37F] mental illness has devastated our relationship and I don?t know what to do for the best.

We have been married for seven years and together in total for 14.
Before we got married my wife exhibited some anxiety and unusual behaviour; stressed and a little paranoid about certain things. I had literally no experience in this and attributed it to her stressful job that she often talked about. We got married and I naively thought that that security would help allay some of her fears. She left that job (with my and her family?s blessing and encouragement shortly after we married.)
This steadily got worse and around 18 months later she was sectioned and spent three weeks in hospital. She had been delusional, having hallucinations and was paranoid and suffering from persecutory thoughts. I?d discovered a letter from a solicitor demanding money and found out she?d been overspending and had got herself into debt. The medical aftercare post-release was non-existent and she soon stopped taking her medication.
We struggled on for a couple of years until she had another crisis. She was put under the care of the crisis team who were great, she started meds again and saw a therapist and psychiatrist. She was extremely anxious at this time and scared of me (her voices told her that I was against her etc) so to try to alleviate the immediate stress, her care team suggested that I stayed in our spare room to give eachother space which I happily did to try to make things easier.
As time went on, things calmed down and we returned to some semblance of normality, but we?d got into a routine and I stayed in the spare room. I didn?t want to pressure her and potentially derail her recovery.
She was unable to work (which is fine, completely understandable) so we were on one income, but she got into financial trouble again, but this time on my debit and credit cards. I knew it was happening but was powerless to stop it.
Then one day she announced she was stopping taking her medication and would no longer see her care team. She had not fully recovered and within weeks I saw her symptoms returning - delusions, hallucinations etc, all the same things from her original psychosis diagnosis.
We kept up appearances and plodded on, until I found more overspending. I tried again to put a stop to it but she got extremely angry and hit me. Her illness took over and she accused me of forging bank statements, colluding with the bank, lying and committing fraud etc.
That completely knocked me back into my shell and I was unable to stop her spending until the money literally ran out. When that happened she was surprised, denied any responsibility and accused me of spending it all. (I have now finally managed to largely rein her spending in by denying her access to my cards but it?s been incredibly stressful as I?ve had to borrow from family and the bank to cover it.)
So, another 18-odd months later and here we are. She still has her symptoms. We?re still in separate rooms. She?s (understandably) unable to work. We have managed to talk about things a couple of times and she point blank refuses to go back to the doctor or start taking medication. She refuses to go to couples counseling with me. We?ve both said it can?t carry on like this.
I feel after five years of this that I can?t take much more. We would have liked to have started a family but that?s impossible now. Our lives are wasting away, stuck in this rut. We had a serious talk about a month ago where we all but separated, but then she kind of rowed back on the idea.
I still love her and I know none of this is her fault. I know no-one chooses to be ill and I know it?s worse for her than me. I worry how she?d cope if we split (her parents are nearby but she?s pushed them away over the last few years, but they would absolutely support her), and I feel terrible about potentially not abiding by my marriage vows. She has no friends at all and has alienated her extended family with some behviour related to her illness.
I?m not even sure she totally understands the ramifications of separating: she said she would stay in the house but she has no means of paying the bills. Her parents are comfortable but I don?t think they could buy me out and they couldn?t fund her indefinitely.
Neither of us are doing the other any favours prolonging this as it is. I feel so guilty and responsible (I often wonder what it is about me that may have made her like this.)
I don?t want to split but staying like this is untenable. I can?t force her to get help and I don?t want another five years to pass with no improvement and the best years of my, and her, life gone.
I don?t know what to do for the best.
I?m sorry this is so long.
?-
TL;DR - I don?t know what to do for the best as my wife?s mental illness has put a huge strain on our relationship and after several years I feel like we can?t continue. She refuses help and counseling.


Source.