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Fianc? [29M] giving me [26F] the silent treatment after a financial disagreement. Best way to handle (by Sparky)
Fianc? [29M] giving me [26F] the silent treatment after a financial disagreement. Best way to handle this?
TL;DR! My fianc? and I got into a financial disagreement earlier this week. Three days later and he?s still only giving me one-word responses. How the hell do I deal with this?
...
My fianc? finally agreed to kick out our alcoholic roommate, Brody [27M] (fianc??s childhood friend). We gave him so many chances to try and get better; it hasn?t helped and at this point we?re only enabling him.
We are letting Brody live here rent-free in December. We are holding onto his rent money and will give it back for a security deposit on a new place. I wasn?t thrilled with this idea, but I figured if it got him out then fine.
My fianc? texted earlier this week that Brody may have found a place for Feb 1 and would I be ok with letting him stay another month. I said fine, as long as he pays January rent. Fianc? said Brody shouldn?t pay January rent. I said that?s not fair. Fianc? said I?m being selfish. I said no way, it?s not fair.
Then fianc? starts calling out other topics. He says ?well you?ve barely paid anything to live here and you?re getting upset over $250.? (Note: I do pay less rent, but it?s an agreement we all made two years ago). I said that?s not fair to bring up. It?s not about the money, it?s that I don?t want to give Brody my money for another month. Fianc? said I?m being selfish. I disagreed.
We took a breather for a day. After he had some time to relax after work I reopened the conversation. I started out with ?I?m glad we?re talking about money bc as a couple it?s important (etc) and after some thought, I?m absolutely ok helping Brody in December, but it he stays in January he?ll need to pay rent.? Fianc? goes, ?I never said Brody wouldn?t pay rent in January. It?s selfish that you would have thought that I said that.? I said ?No, It?s not selfish. It was a misunderstanding.?
That conversation ended with fianc? thinking I?m selfish and me continuing to say that I disagree. I thought I?d let him cool off again and go from there.
I did not think cooling off would require three days. He?s only given me one word answers when I try to talk to him. So mostly I?ve been doing my own thing (baking and decorating for the holidays) and leaving him to be a grump.
As of this morning he?s still being petty and not conversing with me. I thought this would have blown over by now. To be clear, we haven?t had a fight like this before and he typically is much better and conversing. I think this has more to do with him being guilty about kicking his friend out and somehow placing his blame and guilt on me.
What in the actual heck do I do now?
...
TL;DR! My fianc? and I got into a financial disagreement earlier this week. Three days later and he?s still only giving me one-word responses. How the hell do I deal with this?
...
UPDATE:
Finally had a talk with Fianc?. He opened up about all the stuff stressing him out (work, terminally ill family members, Brody, etc). We had a really good open conversation. We both agreed that he should see a therapist, and I asked him to commit to making an appointment next week and he said yes.
I also told him that I'm always here for him, and that if something comes up he needs to talk to me. I said you can't go days without talking to me if something is upsetting you. That's the silent treatment which is mean, and honestly manipulative, and that's not cool with me. I'm here to fight with you all day long, but I won't tolerate silence. He was receptive to that and said he understood and would work on it.
There was a lot more, but knowing that he will see a therapist and begin to work on things gives me hope.
I know Dating.mobi tends to recommend leaving relationships asap, but in this case I think it?s worthwhile to stick together as long as we?re both committed to improving communication.
Source.
TL;DR! My fianc? and I got into a financial disagreement earlier this week. Three days later and he?s still only giving me one-word responses. How the hell do I deal with this?
...
My fianc? finally agreed to kick out our alcoholic roommate, Brody [27M] (fianc??s childhood friend). We gave him so many chances to try and get better; it hasn?t helped and at this point we?re only enabling him.
We are letting Brody live here rent-free in December. We are holding onto his rent money and will give it back for a security deposit on a new place. I wasn?t thrilled with this idea, but I figured if it got him out then fine.
My fianc? texted earlier this week that Brody may have found a place for Feb 1 and would I be ok with letting him stay another month. I said fine, as long as he pays January rent. Fianc? said Brody shouldn?t pay January rent. I said that?s not fair. Fianc? said I?m being selfish. I said no way, it?s not fair.
Then fianc? starts calling out other topics. He says ?well you?ve barely paid anything to live here and you?re getting upset over $250.? (Note: I do pay less rent, but it?s an agreement we all made two years ago). I said that?s not fair to bring up. It?s not about the money, it?s that I don?t want to give Brody my money for another month. Fianc? said I?m being selfish. I disagreed.
We took a breather for a day. After he had some time to relax after work I reopened the conversation. I started out with ?I?m glad we?re talking about money bc as a couple it?s important (etc) and after some thought, I?m absolutely ok helping Brody in December, but it he stays in January he?ll need to pay rent.? Fianc? goes, ?I never said Brody wouldn?t pay rent in January. It?s selfish that you would have thought that I said that.? I said ?No, It?s not selfish. It was a misunderstanding.?
That conversation ended with fianc? thinking I?m selfish and me continuing to say that I disagree. I thought I?d let him cool off again and go from there.
I did not think cooling off would require three days. He?s only given me one word answers when I try to talk to him. So mostly I?ve been doing my own thing (baking and decorating for the holidays) and leaving him to be a grump.
As of this morning he?s still being petty and not conversing with me. I thought this would have blown over by now. To be clear, we haven?t had a fight like this before and he typically is much better and conversing. I think this has more to do with him being guilty about kicking his friend out and somehow placing his blame and guilt on me.
What in the actual heck do I do now?
...
TL;DR! My fianc? and I got into a financial disagreement earlier this week. Three days later and he?s still only giving me one-word responses. How the hell do I deal with this?
...
UPDATE:
Finally had a talk with Fianc?. He opened up about all the stuff stressing him out (work, terminally ill family members, Brody, etc). We had a really good open conversation. We both agreed that he should see a therapist, and I asked him to commit to making an appointment next week and he said yes.
I also told him that I'm always here for him, and that if something comes up he needs to talk to me. I said you can't go days without talking to me if something is upsetting you. That's the silent treatment which is mean, and honestly manipulative, and that's not cool with me. I'm here to fight with you all day long, but I won't tolerate silence. He was receptive to that and said he understood and would work on it.
There was a lot more, but knowing that he will see a therapist and begin to work on things gives me hope.
I know Dating.mobi tends to recommend leaving relationships asap, but in this case I think it?s worthwhile to stick together as long as we?re both committed to improving communication.
Source.
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