I [38F] love my husband [39M, married 14 years] so much, but he is thoughtless and I am exhausted paying for his mistakes

I would have always said that my husband is a great, loving, kind, etc. etc. husband, all of the awesome things people say. But I think I am checking out. Part of me is desperate to save the marriage, part of me is exhausted from suffering the consequences of his thoughtlessness. (no kids, btw).
I think "Walk Away Wife" syndrome fits me pretty well.
In the beginning of our marriage, when he didn't lift a finger to do housework, and I tried every way imaginable to talk, nag, cry, encourage, etc., and nothing worked, I just sucked it up and did the chores. He's better now than he was - but the bulk of housework, emotional labor, running the house, managing our pets' care, etc. still falls to me.
We don't have much in common to talk about. I ask him about his interests, not because I care about those things, but because I care about HIM. He said "I'm just not interested in the stuff you are." He doesn't ask about my day, or what I did, or anything. It's not that he's malicious, it just never occurs to him to step outside of his own head.
We moved a few years ago to the middle of nowhere and there are NO jobs here. He has a great job making more money than we both made combined, and it was agreed that I'd stay home and do writing work and maintain the house and property, and he would bring home the income. I have holes in my sneakers and my bras are 4 years old and have holes in them. Every time I have a household need or I need clothing, even a $15 bra, we have NO money. But he has a new truck, a new shed, a workshop full of new power tools and accessories, and he's been going out for steak dinners and drinks weekly. When I pointed this out, he was very remorseful and said he was cutting back his spending and was going to make sure I had what I needed. But I feel it may be too little, too late. I have been telling him for YEARS I need new clothes and shoes, and now that I am looking at divorce lawyers, suddenly he's scrambling. Where was this remorse 6 months ago? I could get a job, but I would have to move out in order to avoid a heinous commute (the very reason we moved out of the city!) And if I move out... well, I will do so as a single woman. My husband doesn't want this but I don't know what options I have.
He has criticized and nitpicked things I love. I am at the point where I fear playing music by my favorite band, because every time he hears a single note, he starts in. "UGH this **** again, when are these guys going to die already?" This band is a part of who I am and it HURTS. If I eat something he doesn't like - "Cilantro? Ugh all cilantro needs to be wiped off the face of the planet!" It wasn't funny the first 10,000 times he said it in our first year of marriage. After 14 years, I am SO ****ing OVER it.
Of course he has said loving things too. He has been my biggest cheerleader and supporter. But mixed with all of the painful barbs and criticism (this is a tiny fraction) it feels like death by 1,000 paper cuts.
The worst is the lack of trust. He makes poor decisions. Things like loading things in the back of his pickup truck, not securing them, and I say "You have to tie them down. They'll fly out of the back." He brushes me off like I'm crazy, so I let it go. Sure enough, **** flies out the back, and he gets fined, and that's money I could have used on shoes or a bra. The kicker - sometimes (very rarely) he does stuff like this AGAIN, and then LIES to me about it. I find out, he comes clean, cries, promises never to do it again - but the trust is still broken.
He made a huge purchase recently, and I asked if we could afford it. He said yes. I asked if he ran the numbers, and he said yes. I asked if he was 100% POSITIVE, and he said "YES". Yesterday, we sat down with our budget, and guess what? We cannot afford it. He never "ran the numbers." To be fair, he THOUGHT we could afford it. He ASSUMED it was okay. But he lied to me again and again when I asked if it was affordable and if he made sure.
Over the years, I have tried to fix and fix. He refused therapy, so I went alone, to be a better person and a better wife. I took all the responsibility to work on our marriage while he sat back. Now he's suddenly agreed to couples counseling but I'm afraid it may be too late. I don't know if I can trust him anymore.
I love this man. I love him so much. I am beyond shattered at the thought of leaving. It's unbearable. But if I had left 6 months ago, I would have been better off. And all I can think is "How will his thoughtlessness hurt me 6 months from now?"
Can we save this?
TL;DR - I think I am a "Walk Away Wife". I love my husband, and I know he loves me, but his thoughtlessness has been hurting me over the years and I don't trust that he can change.


Source.