Update: Me (29/F) with my brother (43/M), he has cancer and asked family come help him, I agreed but then bailed at the last minute due to previous issues between us and the plane ticket he purchased.

Here is a link to my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationshi...as_cancer_and/
So it’s been about 2 and a half months since I posted asking for advice about this situation with my brother. I got some pretty split advice, some saying I was an ******* for cancelling on him right before my flight and others saying he was inconsiderate and that cancer doesn’t excuse a lifetime of bad behavior. Well both sides were right in part, but what ended up happening took the decision out of my hands anyway.
After my mom mentioned to my brother that I wasn’t going to go, he was rightfully mad about it but actually didn’t even try to contact me. Instead he phoned and texted my mom and then emailed my dad about how terrible of a person I am and how I needed to grow balls and explain why I didn’t want to go. He even blatantly blamed my dad saying he must have done something to make me not want to go. My mom stayed out of it but my dad replied to the email email saying that maybe he should be nicer if someone was putting their life on hold to come help him. He also mentioned that he was happy to go and help him instead of me. My brother responded to that by calling my dad an ******* and saying he didn’t want his help. He later emailed again saying he would appreciate help and that he should fly out after all.
I feel like I should give some additional background on my brother and why I was so bothered by the ticket he got me. Firstly, he spends a ridiculous amount of money on prostitutes/sugarbabies/whatever. I don’t know how much and I don’t want to know but I know sugar babies in particular are not cheap to keep around. Also, every time I speak to him he brags about how he flies one of the girls he sees from North Carolina to Chicago first class once a month and he just leased a $60,000 car. So honestly, I could give a **** about flying coach, I’ll even sit in a middle seat, but dude couldn’t even get me a direct flight when I’m putting my life on hold for 2 months to come and help him. It was just really hurtful to me given these things that he wouldn’t even spring an extra $30 for a direct flight for me to come help him for such an extended period of time. In addition to this, he’s originally asked for help way back in June and when I said yes he kept pushing the dates back for 2 months which restricted me from getting a job as it’s unlikely anyone would hire me if I mentioned I needed to leave for 2 months only a month after starting the job. Ugh there’s so much more I could say about how he’s treated our dad for so many years too but this is already long and that is not super relevant anyway. Let’s just say he basically blames all of the problems of his life on our dad.
I kind of went on a tangent there but I just wanted to provide more backstory as to why it was the straw that broke the camels back for me. What ended up happening was my dad went to Chicago and was there for my brother as he went through his surgery to remove the tumor. However after two weeks of being there, my dad had a stroke. It was fairly minor all things considered but he lost most functionality in both his left arm/hand and left leg. So I ended up getting a call around midnight the night it happened and 24 hours later I was on a flight to Chicago myself.
The last 6 weeks or so since then have been insanely busy. I was driving to and from both of their different hospitals to bring them things and visit, grocery shopping, doing errands, laundry, cooking etc for both of them with very little time to myself. I honestly was happy to do it and it went better than expected given the circumstances. My brother definitely showed his ******* colors on a few occasions but I just tried to ignore it as much as possible and focus on the work I needed to do. He also did some nice things too so it was alright. His surgery went well, 99.9% margins on the tumor and he’s got 2 more rounds of chemo to go just to make sure it’s gone for good. My dad has been insanely determined to recover from his stroke and has made significant improvements in just 6 weeks. He went from not being able to walk to using a walker and has already moved on to a cane. Still a long way to go but we were lucky that he didn’t lose any speech abilities or cognitive function.
So that is all there is! Thank you to everyone who commented on my original post, it really did help me get some perspective on my own actions and decide what boundaries are important to me.
Tldr; Dad went to Chicago to help my brother out, then had a stroke. I went to Chicago anyway to help them both out. Was there for 6ish weeks and just got home, everything went better than expected but I’m soooo so happy to be home.


Source.