UPDATE: My partner [33M] doesn't have a lot of time for me [23F] at the moment. I am trying to be supportive but it's getting me down. How long to wait for improvement before giving it up as a lost cause?

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationshi...f_time_for_me/
Well, **** got real fast and in the worst way possible. On Thursday evening I got home from my bf's house feeling pretty bummed because he'd still had no time for me during my two days off, and it was hot weather so we didn't even cuddle and I was feeling touch-starved and miserable.
I then received a call from my mum saying that my grandad (89M) had had a catastrophic brain haemorrhage and was unconscious and never going to wake up. The doctors had turned off any life support and were just doing end-of-life care, as per my grandad's wishes. I promptly got in the car and hammered the 200-mile trip to get to the hospital to be with my family and say goodbye, after calling my boyfriend in tears. He had worriedly encouraged me to calm down and take the train as he didn't think I was in a state to drive, but I insisted on driving and got there safely very late, but I saw my grandad, who with characteristic stubbornness and toughness, survived until Sunday morning. We spent a lot of time at the hospital talking to him and stuff. I don't know if he could hear us but I hope so. He looked peaceful, like he was sleeping, except my grandad always used to talk in his sleep about his time in the Army.
My grandad was my best friend. We were incredibly close. He introduced me to jazz music and encouraged me to perform and chase my dreams. He was there to comfort me through any setbacks and problems, and he celebrated every success. I will miss him terribly. He had been declining recently and was starting to lose his independence which he hated and fought against (we are very alike this way), he was about to lose his driving licence and car after an accident, he was struggling terribly with his mobility and we had suggested he get carers in to help him which he furiously rejected. So as sad as I am, I am happy he got to stay independent until the very end. It would have been awful for him to go into a home also. As much as it sucks, he is at peace now and it was painless for him according to the doctors. It was probably the best case scenario other than him going in his sleep.
However I am of course grieving terribly. I was extremely close to him and spent as much time with him and my grandma (who passed away 9 years ago) as I did with my parents when I was growing up. Just writing this now I'm sobbing like a fool. When I text my boyfriend on Sunday morning to say that he had passed, he replied with one word: "sorry", and then ignored me for the rest of the day. The whole time I was at home with my family he didn't call me once. As stated in the OP, he's never much been one for a lot of texting and calling and he isn't verbally expressive about feelings at all as it "makes him uncomfortable", but if ever there was a time to get over himself and just step up and be there for me, this was it. And he failed me completely.
I returned home yesterday evening. There was nothing more I could do and my colleagues and managers had been great, saying I could take as much time as I needed but I knew they were busy and needed my support. My boyfriend text me asking me to make the 45 minute journey to his place to see him when he got home from work at 11.30pm, and then travel back to my place of work the next morning which would have taken an hour. I said no as I was completely exhausted mentally and physically and had spent 5 hours in a car in very hot weather and didn't want to travel more. I asked him to come to see me instead. He said no because he didn't have time. I felt so upset, hurt, abandoned and unloved and cried myself to sleep last night because of this on top of the horrible bereavement. At work my managers and colleagues were all brilliant and supportive. I am very lucky to work with such great people.
The same thing happened today. After everything I've been through these past few days and his complete and utter lack of support I don't feel like it is on me to make the effort to see him, to beg him to find time for me, to spend my time and money travelling to see him just to beg 20 minutes of conversation out of him before he goes to sleep. It's humiliating and hurtful. I feel so unwanted and unloved.
It is quite clear to me that this relationship is over and he clearly doesn't care for me or love me at all. My question now would be, how do I end it? I want to do it with dignity and pride and I don't want to be the person that dumps someone by text, but he doesn't have time to see me or even call, even at a time like this. I could just block his number and ghost, but that wouldn't give me any closure and I would feel worse. And I am better than that. What should I do?
I am heartbroken in every way. Not only do I have to deal with losing my grandad and best friend, but I also have to cope with breaking up with someone who until a month ago had been the perfect partner, with whom I'd imagined a future, and whom I do love very much. But he clearly doesn't love me, or else he would be here with me comforting me, or at least make me understand he was doing his best to see me ASAP, calling me and texting me to comfort me, doing his best to find a time. I feel like I don't matter and never did. I feel so lonely, so sad and so unloved. I don't deserve this.
tl;dr: My grandad died and my boyfriend didn't text or call me for days and doesn't have time to see me. The relationship is over but how do I leave him with dignity and class when he won't call me or meet with me?


Source.