I'm [36f] considering breaking a promise made to my dying mother regarding my murdered sister [12 at the time]. Not sure if I'm betraying family for even thinking it.

My sister was murdered by our neighbor when she was 12. Our father has never been in the picture so ever since then it's been me and my mom.
When mom was dying of pancreatic cancer in 2010, she made me promise I'd always go to the parole hearings of my sister's killer to try and make sure he doesn't get out. I did promise her at the time I'd always go.
I had to go to another parole hearing alone this morning and I just can't anymore. I can't keep going back there every two years and begging these people to understand what we've gone through and why he shouldn't be out here with the rest of us. I kind of want to just let it go and let fate take over.
I have to drive five hours each way for these hearings and I spend the whole ride there wanting to vomit. Even when he gets denied parole I spend the entire drive back wanting to break down sobbing because of having to relive the whole thing.
My question is: Am I a terrible person for even thinking about breaking my promise? I have a feeling if I did stop going and he was paroled, I'd just... I know I'd blame myself. But to keep going there every two years is also gd awful.
I've been going to therapy and my therapist said I need to protect my mental health, but I don't know. I feel ****ty for even thinking about it.
TL;DR - Promised Mom I'd oppose parole for my sister's killer every time he came up for it. I'm considering not going anymore, feel awful.


Source.

Lazy, selfish bltch. You admit if he got paroled, you would feel guilty because you think it would be your fault for not going...yet you want to quit going.
I had a daughter I lost in a car accident....IF she would have been murdered, and I was in the same situation you're in, I'd be there bright and early every damn parole meeting.

^^^^ I agree, totally selfish!! Unbelievable you would even consider such a thing.

@MrWalkSoftly: i know it dosnt mean much coming from a stranger, but I'm sorry for your loss.
My daughter is my world and I can't even imagine the pain of that kind of loss.

@Roachvaliek: Much appreciated. I don't use it as a "sympathy getter" but I'm not going to not mention it if I feel it's relevant either, if that makes sense.