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Me (29F) with my friend (30F) upset with me because I didn't wear make-up to her wedding (by Sparky)
Me (29F) with my friend (30F) upset with me because I didn't wear make-up to her wedding
Non-romantic issue with a close friend.
I don't wear make-up. I don't judge anyone who does but I just don't want to. I usually got itchy eyes when I used to wear it so perhaps have a mild reaction to it as well. Personally I don't see it as something anyone should have to wear for any reason unless they want to and love themselves either way.
My friend was not overly into make-up when we were younger but when she entered the work world she started to wear a full face at all times. I had a job interview in May and she told me I probably didn't get the job because I wore no make-up. I have since bagged a good job so I doubt that was the problem. I do take good care of my skin, hair and nails though I don't paint them often. I do not look scruffy.
Anyway. My friend, guess I should give her a name, Claire got married a few weeks ago. In the run up to the wedding she made a few comments like it'd be a shame to distract from a great outfit by not wearing any make-up, or, that she could get not wanting to wear makeup every day but special occasions require it. I would respond ny saying I didn't think it was a big deal. Most of the time she changed the subject but one time she snapped a bit that it's a little silly to still be going au naturel at our age. Neither of us are big on confrontation so I let it go.
The wedding was great. Claire looked amazing. She seemed a little off when she first saw me but acted fine for the rest of the day. I didn't hear from her for a little over a week which I expected as she was on honeymoon. When she got back she sent this long message.
Her points included: If I cared about her, I'd have made an effort to look nice. That I could have at least tried. Everyone thought it was weird for me to wear no make-up. She gets that maybe I just don't care about myself, but it's childish to not wear make-up for a once in a lifetime occasion.
And just lots on the theme of me not making an effort, and how it drives her mad when women don't care about themselves. It shows a lack of respect to anyone around them.
I responded that I actually did put effort into my appearance, that I do care about her but just don't see why my make-up matters so much. I also mentioned that make-up gives me a bad reaction.
Claire told me that nice hair and a dress look ridiculous without make-up and that her mother and sister both said that I'm too old to be showing my face because no one wants to see an older woman. She also said that I should have still worn foundation and lipstick even if I can't wear eye makeup. I apologised and said I hadn't meant any harm by it, which she accepted when she calmed down. We've not really been talking as much since though. I also feel quite hurt that my face is somehow not acceptable for public viewing and that I am too old. My fiancé thinks I'm beautiful without make-up and I don't even have wrinkles. Even if I did, so what?
The whole thing seemed bizarre to me. I asked other people for their opinion and they agreed Claire overreacted but that I should still have made more effort to wear make-up just that once. One friend even said that me not wearing make-up feels like I'm judging women who do, even though I don't comment on anyone's choices. She thinks Claire just feels like I'm silently shaming her for 'needing' make-up. Now I'm just confused. Was I in the wrong?
TLDR: I don't wear make-up. Make-up obsessed friend got upset I didn't wear any to her wedding because it shows a lack of respect, not making an effort. Driven a bit of a wedge between us. Was I wrong?
Source.
Non-romantic issue with a close friend.
I don't wear make-up. I don't judge anyone who does but I just don't want to. I usually got itchy eyes when I used to wear it so perhaps have a mild reaction to it as well. Personally I don't see it as something anyone should have to wear for any reason unless they want to and love themselves either way.
My friend was not overly into make-up when we were younger but when she entered the work world she started to wear a full face at all times. I had a job interview in May and she told me I probably didn't get the job because I wore no make-up. I have since bagged a good job so I doubt that was the problem. I do take good care of my skin, hair and nails though I don't paint them often. I do not look scruffy.
Anyway. My friend, guess I should give her a name, Claire got married a few weeks ago. In the run up to the wedding she made a few comments like it'd be a shame to distract from a great outfit by not wearing any make-up, or, that she could get not wanting to wear makeup every day but special occasions require it. I would respond ny saying I didn't think it was a big deal. Most of the time she changed the subject but one time she snapped a bit that it's a little silly to still be going au naturel at our age. Neither of us are big on confrontation so I let it go.
The wedding was great. Claire looked amazing. She seemed a little off when she first saw me but acted fine for the rest of the day. I didn't hear from her for a little over a week which I expected as she was on honeymoon. When she got back she sent this long message.
Her points included: If I cared about her, I'd have made an effort to look nice. That I could have at least tried. Everyone thought it was weird for me to wear no make-up. She gets that maybe I just don't care about myself, but it's childish to not wear make-up for a once in a lifetime occasion.
And just lots on the theme of me not making an effort, and how it drives her mad when women don't care about themselves. It shows a lack of respect to anyone around them.
I responded that I actually did put effort into my appearance, that I do care about her but just don't see why my make-up matters so much. I also mentioned that make-up gives me a bad reaction.
Claire told me that nice hair and a dress look ridiculous without make-up and that her mother and sister both said that I'm too old to be showing my face because no one wants to see an older woman. She also said that I should have still worn foundation and lipstick even if I can't wear eye makeup. I apologised and said I hadn't meant any harm by it, which she accepted when she calmed down. We've not really been talking as much since though. I also feel quite hurt that my face is somehow not acceptable for public viewing and that I am too old. My fiancé thinks I'm beautiful without make-up and I don't even have wrinkles. Even if I did, so what?
The whole thing seemed bizarre to me. I asked other people for their opinion and they agreed Claire overreacted but that I should still have made more effort to wear make-up just that once. One friend even said that me not wearing make-up feels like I'm judging women who do, even though I don't comment on anyone's choices. She thinks Claire just feels like I'm silently shaming her for 'needing' make-up. Now I'm just confused. Was I in the wrong?
TLDR: I don't wear make-up. Make-up obsessed friend got upset I didn't wear any to her wedding because it shows a lack of respect, not making an effort. Driven a bit of a wedge between us. Was I wrong?
Source.
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