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My (43F) mother just drained the last of my (19F) savings account. How do I go about confronting her (by Sparky)
My (43F) mother just drained the last of my (19F) savings account. How do I go about confronting her?
I'm 19, in my first year of uni, and living across the country from the rest of my family. My mum is a single parent and has been going through a financial rough patch for the past 10+ years. I've had to lend her a lot of money over the past 6 years to help her make ends meet, and this factored into my decision to give her access to my savings account.
She withdraws money when she can't afford necessities like rent and food. Between that and the death of a relative, she's taken ~$300 in the last 3 weeks. It put me under some financial strain myself, but nothing I couldn't handle so long as I restricted my spending on luxuries.
I went to withdraw some bus money this evening, only to find that she's withdrawn almost everything I had left, leaving me with only $44 to my name. This has put me in a really rough spot financially, because now I can't afford transport or my own necessities, and don't have any way to pay the bond for the flat I'm going to be renting next year.
This has gone past the point of okay, but because her borrowing is out of genuine need instead of malicious intent, I don't know how to bring it up or what to say.
tl;dr mum has put me in a rough spot financially by borrowing money for food and rent. I can no longer afford my own necessities and want to confront her but don't know how.
Source.
I'm 19, in my first year of uni, and living across the country from the rest of my family. My mum is a single parent and has been going through a financial rough patch for the past 10+ years. I've had to lend her a lot of money over the past 6 years to help her make ends meet, and this factored into my decision to give her access to my savings account.
She withdraws money when she can't afford necessities like rent and food. Between that and the death of a relative, she's taken ~$300 in the last 3 weeks. It put me under some financial strain myself, but nothing I couldn't handle so long as I restricted my spending on luxuries.
I went to withdraw some bus money this evening, only to find that she's withdrawn almost everything I had left, leaving me with only $44 to my name. This has put me in a really rough spot financially, because now I can't afford transport or my own necessities, and don't have any way to pay the bond for the flat I'm going to be renting next year.
This has gone past the point of okay, but because her borrowing is out of genuine need instead of malicious intent, I don't know how to bring it up or what to say.
tl;dr mum has put me in a rough spot financially by borrowing money for food and rent. I can no longer afford my own necessities and want to confront her but don't know how.
Source.
I've had to lend her a lot of money over the past 6 years
my decision to give her access to my savings account.
If you recognized she was having issues handling money, and wanted to ensure she stayed fed and had a roof over her head, you coulda took over her spending habits since it's mainly your money being spent.
Now you have a choice to make, bail her out on your terms.....or walk away.
I think I'd try taking over everything first.
Of course, that doesn't help your broke ass now lol
@MrWalkSoftly: reading through the comments, apparently the mother has been taking the girls bday and holiday money since she was 13 sounds like the girl was made to feel bad so she'd 'help' and raised to give into her mom. At 19, it's the right time to cut momma off
Yea I didn't read the comments.
To be fair, I'm putting myself in the OPs shoes based on how I feel about my mother.....who I would find it hard to cut off without trying all options first. Re-reading the OP, and noticing it's supposedly just money for food and rent, I'd still help her (unless, of course, I discovered the money wasn't really for "food and rent") but I'd help her under my terms and she definitely wouldn't get access to my banking accts.
Probably neither here nor there anyway....doesn't seem like the OP cant afford to take care of two households....could be time for mama to get a J. O. B.
To be fair, I'm putting myself in the OPs shoes based on how I feel about my mother.....who I would find it hard to cut off without trying all options first. Re-reading the OP, and noticing it's supposedly just money for food and rent, I'd still help her (unless, of course, I discovered the money wasn't really for "food and rent") but I'd help her under my terms and she definitely wouldn't get access to my banking accts.
Probably neither here nor there anyway....doesn't seem like the OP cant afford to take care of two households....could be time for mama to get a J. O. B.
Last edited by MrWalkSoftly; 14-Aug-17 5:20 pm.
@MrWalkSoftly: yea I read the comments... the OP was looking over her bank statement, mom had been taking 5 and 10$ here and there... seems she was getting more than bills and groceries with OPs money
Note....
.....should be "doesn't seem like OP CAN afford"...ran out of edit time lol
doesn't seem like the OP cant afford to take care of two households
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