So since Im all about bein honest, Im gonna put this out there... Take it or leave it, love me or hate me-this is who I am:) I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have not been in combat, nor served in the military- but I have just been diagnosed w this disorder which is most common among people who have seen or been in military combat. I cleaned up my brothers brains off the walls and floor. That did something to me-broke me inside- and I am a different person because of it. There were other things in my childhood that they claim are also major reasons for this disorder, but my brothers murder, on Valentines Day almost 6yrs ago brought it all to light. I thought people w this disorder were violent and easy to anger, and when I asked this my doc said some are, but PTSD is not about one certain reaction to trauma but basically about the trauma itself changing a person in drastic ways. I used to be ten foot tall and bulletproof:) I act like Im so tough, but I am crazy scared! I have major trust issues and am like a caged possum when I feel physically threatened:( I have weapons placed strategically around my apartment-just to be 'safe.' If I have a dream that indicates any danger, I cant leave my house. I am getting help and seeing how ridiculous I am being now. I see it, I own it, and Im dealing with it:) I just want any guys to know if I ask too many questions and seem to doubt you are real please if you are, and you are interested in me-dont give up! Lol I push men away because I am scared and have nightmares about things that would never cross a normal persons mind:( I know I can trust and love someone-I havent changed that much! I am just a work in progress... :)

Congratulations on getting help Hun. I know how you feel. I have PTSD from my adoption and the severe abandonment issues that followed. Not to mention the years of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. Just know you're not alone and not everyone with this has seen combat. Be strong

I know how hard that must of been. I cleaned my uncles blood, brain and **** up after he shot hisself. Luckily he lived. I cant imagine how hard it was for you with your brothers murder. You seem like a very sweet person so im sure you will find somebody. If you need to talk im here.

I was diagnosed with this 2 years ago, for reasons I won't share. It is hard to admit cuz I don't like making excuses, so I don't ever tell anyone and seeking help is hard to do....I go then stop....I'm currently receiving help for it tho and am glad u are too.

@Sammy2: you ever need to vent dear just let me know

@Briteeyes: our a outstanding lady

Thanks everyone:) I know Im getting better every day-goin through Vocational Rehabilitation to get back to work:) They want me to wait til after Valentines Day before placing me-and that kind of frustrated me:( been waitin on this since june of last year-jumped through all the hoops and just now gettin placed. Im grateful tho-it is voluntary so I cant complain-just anxious to get back to work:)

@Sammy2: hey thanks for sharing :D i cant really relate but if you ever need a vent with an northern irish guy then my mail box is open for you :D

@james85: I appreciate it James, I think I have went over it a billion times in the last five years and the only thing that has changed is time:) It was in the Enquirer, all the papers down here too-as a matter of fact they just had somethin on it again about two weeks ago-one of my brothers friends was in paper and they just had to bring up the whole story again:( I will post some things I wrote when it first happened soon that helped me cope tho I feel talking about it is not going to make any difference anymore-Its done and I am moving on:)

@Omgitsjessi720: ty girl-you are too sweet-same goes for you:)