- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

- If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

- Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

- It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

- No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes

-Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

- Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

- There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

- By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

- Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

- A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

- If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Impotence: Nature's way of saying " No hard feelings"

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.. :)

If you let bad things slip in a relationship of any kind, one day it might turn into a landslide :-)

Sorry! hit quote by accident

Haha! Got a real good kick out of those! Funny!

Keep you're dream alive: Hit the snooze button....

wherever you go, there you are