My oldest has ptsd at 7 and him forgetting and gettin past all the hurt has help, along with a counselour. He threw a fit like u describe not over a toy just emotional, mental overload. He was throwing stuff, screaming, and crying. People look at me like I was crazy, I was 8 mths pregnant at the time. I tried to wrestle him to the ground and I managed. After holding my knee in his back and holding him down, I felt him relaxe. I got off held him in my arms and rocked him while he cried. Explain to him that next time warn me, so when he reaches his limit we go find a meditation spot.

Also have you tried to going to major toy store like toys r us, etc. Explain we are going in but not getting anything at all just to look. Stick to your guns no matter the temper tanturm. I did this three times and they made through without asking. The 4th time I give them ten dollars each and say you can combine it or get yourselves smthng. They usually combine or wait till next mth and get smthng they really want. Just some ideas...

those are great ideas and thanx :)
now i can understand something like post traumatic and autism and the like. i dont rule with an iron fist cause i dont want them hating me. ive got methods i use to diffuse and to reward. daddy cannot be swayed....(thats not easy when my 3 year old bats her little eyes and does her sweet innocent "but daaaaaddyyyyy") but im very reasonable. i dont break because im the parent. i hope and pray they dont act the way i described... ever. but i will keep that trump card in case its ever needed. my kids are always up my butt so they apparently tolerate me, but they are great (for now).