its the same on the flip side of that coin too. some men will stay with a lying cheater simply because they dont think they can do better. they think being cheated on is better then being lonely.

@shortieslooking4u: that is totally true. i wont say my past relationships were terrible, but i guess we'll call them verbally and emotionally abusive. the cheating and name calling were def there. u do get used to it. and it takes a long time to convince yourself that u deserve better and much longer to accept it when u find it. its like a child who is trying something new and unknown for the first time. we laugh becasue its silly to us how they may be scared of something so harmless and simple and may even make them happy; but to them its terrifying because they dont know how to experience that new thing and what that experience feels like. so u slowly introduce them and eventually they click "hey this is kinda cool". they start to trust. same mindset applied to different scenario. only in an adult, its much harder to change your mindset to trust the unknown. its actually easier and safer to keep with what you know.

@PaulG7719: oh of course paul. its not gender specific. abuse and that insecure mentality do not descriminate! youre absolutely right. i heard a quote that shook me up and kind of brought me to understand it all. "life brings you what you allow yourself to have" in other words, everyone has insecurities or recognizes their own flaws and says "i dont deserve (such and such)". but if we allow whatever is good into our lives, we would be surprised at just how much deprevation has actually been our own doing. in the same light, people are so afraid to admit they have failed at anything to include relationships. not really embracing that "failure" as personal growth.

in a way, im at that point. i feel that ive failed to keep my family together and that ive let my kids down due to that. so i guess i feel that if i dated someone, that means its over and that i truely have failed. so i kept trying to fix things that she had broken and it took me coming here and interacting with other women to realize its ok to move on.

I posted a poem on here Paul that u shld read....

You are worth exactly as much as you allow yourself to be paid,
If you believe you deserve more,
Demand it!
If they don't say yes,
Find someone who will!!!

thats a way to look at it lol! its not always easy to move on. but sometimes its better too.

She said she regrets sleeping w/ him and being with him period because he gave it to her and because he's of a different race. Jamaican. She said it was a big mistake. Also, she says she likes me. I told her i won't have nothing to do w/ her if she goes to see him again. I said....If you go see a guy who hurt you, who you regret being with and think was a mistake, i'm never speaking with you again.

@KamoKid: well kamo, some things are worth fighting for. however, if that person is chosing someone else, they just aren't that into you. in your situation, you may be better off walking away. otherwise, you're wasting effort and time and good intentions on someone who isn't ready for change. that part is becoming very clear. i'd say distance your heart at least. maybe even just decide she's nothing but a friend.

@PaulG7719: natural human nature is to blame yourself. "what could i have done different?". the truth is, there's rarely anything anyone could have done differently to avoid such an outcome. your heart still yearns for what you once knew of the person you once loved. it may always yearn for that even when you find happiness again. but learn to embrace that part of yourself as a memory of precious times. it's okay for them to still mean something to you. it's even okay for her to still mean something to you. no one says you have to hate your exs right? but before you can truly move on and have a thriving relationship, spend some time with yourself. know yourself enough to say you're a good man and you did the best with what you had at the time. and once you realize your self worth again, others will flock to you because it will radiate.

She just moved into a new apartment and wanted me to come for an overnight stay this thursday...